Every arrow in my quiver.
Tomorrow is Father's Day. I will not be spending it with my father.
We all have those people in our lives, people who are not terrible. People we love who just can not or will not see the corruption in our media and in the Democratic Party. Maybe you have tried to show them the media bias and been shot down as I have. "PROVE IT" my father said. I have been his daughter 41 years. Does he not know me? Had 41 years not earned me a bit of trust, so he might examine what I said? Can he not hear the ridiculous bias on NPR and see it in The New York Times and watch it on CNN?
We are up against billions of dollars, up against shiny, glitzy, hair sprayed and scripted media. Up against years of favors owed, and backs scratched. You know what we are up against. And you know what is at risk. And we worked, we volunteered. We voted. WE WON. And they stole it from us while all around pretty people did what they were told and parroted Hillary Hillary Hillary as they brainwashed our friends and our family.
As time has passed I kept hearing it in my head, " every arrow in my quiver" and I thought about it. I had talked. I had linked. I had shared. I had volunteered. I had donated. I had voted. And they had taken our win from us. Used a Victory Fund for all, to steal Victory for one. Used voter suppression. And the media had colluded all along. While people we loved were brainwashed into being with Her.
I love them. I love them enough and love my chidlren enough to use every arrow in my quiver.
I won't be seeing my father for Father's Day and should he carry through and actually vote for Hillary in Novermber, he will not be welcome in December.
It is my last arrow. I will use it.
Comments
That's very sad.
My father was NS through and through (SS in point of fact)
When he and my mom escaped to Sweden he threw all his medals into the sea.
I only knew about it much later. It was a choice between Stalin or Hitler.
Sophie's Choice? I don't know.
You tell me. Hitler's ovens or Stalin's gulag?
There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know.
Would you write a diary about your family history?
I think we could learn a lot through it.
Maybe, if I can find a way to
Maybe, if I can find a way to frame it politically. I was going to write more about our dynamics and how I arrived at this decision but I felt it detracted from the universality of my message as I hope people will realize we cannot fight fair against people who fight dirty.
CFland
Not all Jews were sent to the ovens, some were sent to Sibera
and 'survived' to tell the tale.
Cut out my family this year. It hurts a bit...
but it hurt more to stay connected to them.
And fathers day always sucks for me, but then, I've only been a dad for 13 years. Supposedly it gets better when the kids have their own income.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
It has been over 20 years now since I cut both my
parents out of my life. It is probably why I am still alive.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.--Aristotle
If there is no struggle there is no progress.--Frederick Douglass
Color me chicken, it's my mother.
My father died twenty years ago about now. My husband, father of my two, died 6 years ago next month, two days before our 26th (27th?) anniversary, who cares. No fathers left in my family.
My mother is 96. End-stage renal disease, moderately demented, no short term memory. Going deaf, blind. Falling apart. I try to tell her by phone about the way things work and she calls me delusional. Crazy. Where did I get these ideas? I have not seen her for over two years. Last time, within a month after a not-good vist, I ended up nearly dying from hepatitis. Somehow, I associate those two. So I will not see her.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
I think it's an illusion to believe that cutting off your
parents from your life, is going to solve anything as long as physical violence between family members is not involved.
I think I agree, mimi
It is interesting that my younger sister (only) has totally opposite views of our parents. We talk (occasionally, always her call, never mine she won't pick up) and compare what we remember of our childhoods. we talked daily, state-to-state when our father left our mother for a younger model. Our parent both gave us too much information on the dissolution. We were both young adults. Fairly civil split, he visited her weekly until close to his death. He asked her to come to hospital so that he could apologize in person, and she refused. He apologized to his daughters and to friends for previous bad behavior.
They are part of me, no matter what. I think that's what you imply. Have a nice day, I have homework, sigh.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
We should not divorce parents for supporting Hillary
Especially if they are elderly and (mis-)informed by TV - they have not seen what we have seen. It is not a moral failing to have been misled by the mass media.
I am guessing it is tied to
I am guessing it is tied to deeper and more long standing issues. Am I correct? I believe people have to do what keeps them safe, physically, of course, and emotionally, as well, and sometimes that means separating from parents. I do agree though, that physical distance does not necessarily heal what is happening inside. At some point I realized that the possibility of my own safety is of my own making. This knowledge has been both empowering and scary because the responsibility shifts to me. It is only then, that I could have contact with my folks again. The acceptable boundaries are a moving target as I work with my own demons/strength and commitment to good self care. Sending along a hug, especially on Father's Day.
No. This is only about him
No. This is only about him needed to see mainstream media is garbage and in the bag for Hillary. And that the stupid DNC does not deserve his misplaced loyalty.
CFland
I completly disagree as you
I completly disagree as you may have noticed. Also I think it is ageist to give someone a pass for being old.
CFland
I think if they don't want to
I think if they don't want to give the opinion of someone they have known over four decades at least the courtesy of an open mind, that they can go. Mainstream media is doing a fantastic job of making Hillary seem like the easy and inevitable choice, I won't abet that by making it easy for them as well. It is a Civil War and they don't even know they are on the confederate side. Do you not think this happened in every revolution? Of course it did.
CFland
No, emotional abuse can be just as damaging. If your mental
health is at stake, sometimes you have to cut off parents. It should only be done with great consideration of course, but if they are damaging you and will not get therapy, then protect yourself and cut off contact. Take care of yourself the way they should have taken care of you.
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Blue Pill or Red Pill?
Most of us humans, given the choice, prefer to live in a pleasant illusion rather than a difficult and uncertain reality. It's the choice we usually fall into, and it is no accident.
I am not surprised that many (most?) reject Gore's inconvenient truth or the disturbing revelation that our leaders most often work hard, not for our benefit but for our compliant ignorance using fear and illusion. Plato's Allegory of the Cave describes a shadow world that passes for most as reality and the extreme unwillingness of the deluded to be separated from their illusionary world for an unknown yet more substantial reality. It is a remarkable allegory, layered like an onion, and as true today as the day it was written.
At times I am uncertain that I chose the correct pill, when I began to peek behind the curtains, for surely there is no turning back and fewer places of ignorant bliss to be found on this path.
“What the herd hates most is the one who thinks differently; it is not so much the opinion itself, but the audacity of wanting to think for themselves, something that they do not know how to do.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
Maturity may be looking back and seeing real decision forks
that sent us off one way when we could have taken the other fork. Maturity is discovering (sometimes way after the decision) that that was not the best. But done. Can't retrace our steps. Break new trail?
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
Perhaps we have different
Perhaps we have different definitions of what it means to be an adult.
I have children, they are 2,4, and 6. Their life lays ahead. As I see it not doing every last thing I can to protect their future is a betrayal of my job as a parent. Climate change must be addressed now. The world will not wait. If this were merely an election, I would not do this but as illustrated by this primary, there is nothing the oligarchy will not stoop to. My children need clean air and drinkable water, the four years or even more terrible eight years of little change and less short term consequences will be paid for by my children. My husband thanked me after a heated discussion yesterday and said he forgot what the election was about. It's not about people wanting to be comfortable and drink wine and watch Anderson Cooper. It's about the absolute, undeniable, and immediate need for sweeping and not incremental change. I am willing to risk everything, because everything is already at risk. This will not be solved by me recycling and having a little garden. This must be solved by a huge change and carbon taxes.
CFland
I see. Mine are young adults and I fear for them,
even if they don't have total awareness of the whole picture. I have no grandchildren and wish that continues. No more innocents into the mess. I also want sweeping change in everything. And agree about the small joke of individual footprint reduction as anything more than an easily ripped off feel-good bandaid.
I want your young ones to have a good life (different, we hope) but good.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
Yeah
I don't really use that analogy because i associate it with MRA ( idk why) but it is apt. We are denied fair and truthful coverage in mainstream media and the election is critical. I will use my available options as a fulcrum to pry the scales off if I can.
CFland
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I do too. Bastids.
I do too. Bastids.
CFland
Igniting The Span
No, he can't. He is clearly one of those people who let corporate media make their decisions, who allow implanted thoughts to be deemed native. You cannot talk to such a person, because the process has been ingrained over the years.
Be sure you want to do this before you burn the bridge.
My advice is to stop trying to convert him, for it just makes him defensive. He is your father, and we can't choose our relatives like we can choose our friends. You can certainly limit your time with him if you feel you must, but I feel that a permanent break would be a mistake. Choose wisely.
Vowing To Oppose Everything Trump Attempts.
I have been thinking about it
I have been thinking about it for months. He may not realize what he is condemning his grandchildren to, but the writing in on the wall, even if it is in invisible ink.
CFland
I am quite sure he does not realize
The corporatist media excel at convincingly presenting their propaganda as "reality". Voting
the party of FDR has long been the way to vote for those seeking the common good. It will do no good to cut off your dad because he has now been misled. He is misinformed which is quite different than corrupt or selfish.
True story (names have been changed to protect the innocent ;^D)
Pam and Ron have a 6 year-old daughter named Laura. Pam's father made her life growing up, and way into adulthood, miserable, but she'd stayed in contact and visited him with Laura on a number of occasions. Ron knew the history of the father-daughter relationship so when the news came that Pam's father had died, and dear sweet Laura began to cry her little eyes out, sobbing and needing to be comforted, he said 'sweetheart there's no need to be so upset, your granddad was not a very good person and made your mother's life very hard'. And Laura said, 'I don't care about that, I know that when I was with him I felt really happy and I know that he loved me very much, and now he's gone.'
I understand how you feel, Celeste (I have a lifelong very best friend on the wrong side of this battle - actually doesn't even recognize that it's any more than an election). Just wondering if maybe you could consider directing those negative emotions into something less wearing on your relationship with your family. You know better than most that there are a lot more folks out there that need convincin'. XXX
suggestion
I commend you on your depth of feeling. But I would be careful about going past a point of no return over political difference with a close relative. If you just avoid politics altogether and your father learns to do the same, is the relationship then generally positive? If so, I would be inclined to maintain it. It depends on you (and your father's) ability to compartmentalize, to take your irreconcilable political differences, put them in a box, and not talk about them. That can be hard, so I can understand if compartmentalizing won't work. But often, all it takes is one of the two people to make it happen. A person might flail for a bit, desiring more browbeating political argument from the other, but as long as the first person holds to the rule of Not Going There, it will become the new normal.
I had a Republican conservative father. Standard issue. Fox news, all the rest of it. Political discussion with him was an exercise in absolute futility. And so, one day, I stopped.
Right wing email? Delete.
Broaching political discussion in conversation? Change subject. (Opener: "So what do you think about the election?" My response: "I wonder if it's true that marigolds can repel mosquitoes." Opener: "Unions destroyed this country." Response: "Remember that trip to South Carolina we took back in 1985?" Etc. etc.)
The problem was, one of my dad's main occupations in his later years was sitting in a recliner and having Fox News rewire his brain for him. Almost any subject could be twisted to bring things around to that anti-government, reactionary, authoritarian book of proverbs that all conservatives seem to know by heart. Eventually, I simply learned to not take the bait and to redirect. I tried to find topics that were harder to twist into soapbox moments.
It wasn't a Hallmark card of a father-son relationship, but it worked okay. But the initial step came from me, when I basically said (implicitly), I'm not dignifying any of that stupid shit with a response anymore. I'm not even going to call it stupid shit, I'm just going to discreetly step right by it. Let's find something to talk about that will work for both of us.
Just my two cents. I hope you can find a relationship with your father that works for both of you. And just so it's clear, please don't think I'm blaming you or saying that you bear sole responsibility for creating a viable relationship; clearly, all relationships are two-way streets and require respect and some measure of love in both directions. Thanks for sharing.
Dad was a cypher. Not there in body or mind.
Looking back, it seems the entire relationship between the two parents was a mistake they didn't realize they'd made until The Bro and I were faits accomplis. Too bad for us because neither one of us ever developed into well-adjusted human beings.
Mom never missed a day of reminding us how awful Dad was, nor did she make it through dinner and our bedtime without her mantra. Come to think of it, they both had mottos.
Dad's (before the divorce when I was 10) was so predictable, we waited for it to officially conclude the week. Sometime on Sunday afternoon/evening, he'd say, "Well. Another week shot to hell."
Mom's motivator, delivered daily without fail, was: "One of these days I'm going to walk out that door and never come back."
Fuck it.
Happy Day for those of you who enjoyed the experience!
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Oh sigh. yes, my father's mantra/tantrum
was "Goddammit to Hell!" and then a stompoff. None of the rest the household took it that seriously, even the dog. But he was an avid sports viewer and all sports required screaming at the TV until the dog was barking in response which increased volumes of all...You get the drift. My sister and I raised a-religious (we got half-heartedly shoved off on neighbors by our mother) intermittently attending Sunday school, or for me S Baptist revivals (an education there). On game days we would hide in our shared bedroom with a candle and prayer. We laugh hysterically about that phase now.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
It is very wrong
to draw children into a marital conflict. So wrong. I can see how parents can find the temptation to do so very hard to resist. But still, all the same, so wrong. Not telling you anything you don't know.
My best wishes to you, AB....
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That is a good idea and if he
That is a good idea and if he approaches me I will offer.
My husband tried to talk to him and told him my favorite saying which is that Trump SAYS terrible things and Hillary DOES terrible things.
CFland
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Yes, it is infuriating, I
Yes, it is infuriating, I want him to look critically at what he is being told and weirdly, he said that you have to make mainstream media with a grain of salt ( a grain?) but insists they could not possibly be slanted toward Hillary. But when you press him on why she is a good candidate and why Trump is worse than her and he says he likes neither and we say you can write in Bernie or vote green and he just goes back on about Trump Must Be Stopped. Why? Why must he be stopped? So Hillary can kill people instead of Trump insulting them? My dad is smarter than this. I just need to push.
CFland
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