He had a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was in the fourth dimension.

So late Saturday afternoon I rented a backhoe, and used it to lay to rest, between the blackberries and the pear trees, the vacated corporeal containers of H. G. Wells and George Orwell. Both men, as I related here, having perished, here in my abode, the previous Thursday. Unable to survive the experience of that televised Republican debate wherein, among other things, The Hairball publicly pronounced his penis larger than Hagrid's, and promised to wield it to execute Edward Snowden, deport all and every Mexican, pound China into submission, and extinguish the families of the Muslims, as well as anyone who might have the effrontery to Libel him.