When, why, and how did you learn to cook?

I grew up on a farm and ranch, eating what we grew. Mom, the blue blood, fell in love with that handsome poor boy soldier who ate from a hobo soup pot in the Depression. Mom was determined that I would marry well, have a maid, and she was adamant that I not learn to cook. (Or clean, or iron clothes, even though she did.)
B, in my Couples Cooking essays, complains I burn shit. I often do, since I experienced cooking from college to about age 27 without knowing the difference between a pot and a pan. Burning shit is A's adult habit, although A is paying more attention, so as not to take heat. That might be a pun. Forgive, forgive...
And then, my neighbor at a Houston condo complex said, "cooking is strategically applying heat to raw food, and seasoning in a way you will enjoy it." She literally taught me the difference in sauce pan, fry pan, pots, roasters, simple seasonings, cook times, etc... She had been a caterer in her youth. I was 27, had yet to figure out anything about cooking beyond hamburgers and toast. Even pre-coffee makers was a challenge!
I bought pots and pans that were later given to my mom, due to my moves and so forth. My brother cooks from them today.
I tried different spices, actually acquainted my parents with them, and about 20 years ago, I got hooked on grilling and smoking food.
Oh, Betty Crocker Recipe books, but magnificent chefs who autographed their books for friends that sent those books to me as gifts.
Anyway, the last meal my mom had was one I prepared for her, and the last meal my Dad had before his fatal accident and hospitalization was one I prepared for him.
They got over that blue blood thing, loved the effort, the care, and most of all, the food.
B has yet to tell me his "learn to cook" story, but that is coming soon. We all eat beans and rice when that is what we can afford, and anyone who doesn't farm and ranch to simply eat and feed their family is very fortunate.
We just all need to learn everything we can about growing food, preserving it, preparing it, and we do not need maids, and we must get past burning shit when cooking. One way or another!

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Raggedy Ann's picture

but I sure enjoy a housekeeper once a month!

I didn't learn to cook until I was on my own, either. My mom hated to cook so was not a good cook. She also did all housework, ironing, etc. (were our mothers sisters?). I learned nothing until I was on my own, therefore, I enjoy a housekeeper once a month.

I am, however, a great cook. Pleasantry

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"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11

@Raggedy Ann @Raggedy Ann I found myself doing lots of housekeeping so the housekeeper wouldn't freak out.
Most probably all Mothers in the '50's were sisters!
I remember Mom being very fussy if I asked her, "how do you this, what is that for?" kinds of questions in the kitchen as she was doing her thing. I didn't know how to turn on the stove until I took the mandatory home economics class in the 9th grade.
have a great day, RA!

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

@on the cusp

Ashley Chiasson (big eater over 400 lbs.) had a favorite saying..

God bless the cook, hell on the dishwasher.

it was funny because the cook and bottle washer were the same one.

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@QMS I do all the dish washing, the fine fiance' keeps the counter tops and stove top clean.
He has to help with certain cast iron items. I can barely lift the damn things!

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

@on the cusp

have a dutch oven, 3 sized fry pans
sauce pans and etc. They are heavy!
great for versatility - stove top, oven and grill
can't kill 'em - get more seasoned with time
like us

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@QMS @QMS My brother still has most of Mom's cast iron stuff, which are called, "magic pots".
Opinions vary on their care, but I do wash mine after use, and dry them immediately. No rust after decades of use.

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Raggedy Ann's picture

@on the cusp ,
I actually let her earn her money. I'm not that messy, but I sure enjoy the deep cleaning I get once a month!

I was glad home ec was not mandatory when I was in HS. I'm not domestic, so it wouldn't have turned out well for me, lol.

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"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11

@Raggedy Ann I took industrial arts instead, the first girl in our school district that did it.
I am not exactly messy, but can go for long stretches without a day off work. Things just get out of hand. I didn't want the local housekeeper out there in the community talking about my occasional house wreck.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

@on the cusp
one semester all the girls had to take a term of shop
and all the boys took a semester of home ec.

learned to confuse baking soda with baking powder making cookies
and made a shop apron on a sewing machine

pretty progressive for a rural ag school in the 60's

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@QMS Girls did home ec, boys did either industrial arts, FFA (future farmers of America) or shop. My parents had to lobby the school board members to let me in IA. They didn't give a shit if I could cook or manage a household budget.Good times, eh?

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

Lookout's picture

Used to take summer camp kids camping and cooking was part of the experience. In college I was too poor to eat out so I learned to cook more and expanded my menus.

My Mom is not a good cook, but she loves my cooking. The trick to cooking well is to use quality ingredients...can't go wrong (unless you burn it) I set a timer for most things.

Happy cooking!

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

@Lookout We had lots of family gatherings, and she would prepare feasts. I didn't cook for another person until I was in my mid-thirties. Once I started, I just went nuts about it. I still cook for my brother, still make lunch for my office staff. I get a huge kick out of the compliments to the chef.
I guess Mom did me a favor by making it a Big Deal.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

@Lookout She would say, "I would have never believed this!"

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

while working the tugboats out of Louisiana.
Usually had a cajun cook on board and would watch,
listen and learn. Before that it was a mess kit and a back
pack, whatever I could carry.

Before that, while in kindergarten, I would watch a cooking show
while waiting for the bus. Some woman from Lansing whipping up
good eats. The rest is just trial and error. Many cookbooks and recipes online.
Having a big kitchen (20' x 30') helps, along with tons of cooking utensils.

Almost everything is an experiment, most good.

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@QMS I get lots of tips online.
Learning how to cook pre-internet was such a damn process!
Cajun food is fascinating, isn't it? I used to drive over to Lafayette for weekends just to eat. We shopped at a small butcher shop and would bring home several lbs. of boudin.
I am jealous of your big kitchen.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

@on the cusp @on the cusp

proud of it, built the whole thing myself
pine cabinets, center island with gas stove
banged out a bunch of pine cabinets, good storage
window over the sink looks out back
radiant heat in floor. Made it as a
replacement for the old summer kitchen
which fell off the original house (1850's)

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plenty of room for chefs ABC Wink

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@QMS Well done! It is simply perfect!

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Lookout's picture

@QMS

Well done Q!

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

usefewersyllables's picture

is a very accomplished cook and baker, and actually used to run a catering business for a time prior to our first meeting. She's chain lightning in the kitchen, frankly. So for the first 20 years or so of our marriage, I was her potscrubber: I'd grab whatever she put down, wash it, and put it back where it came from. So she had what appeared to be an infinite supply of clean sharp knives and deli containers for her mise en place. I've always been the grill driver, but the subtleties of real kitchen work eluded me, so I mostly hovered around the edges.

Then, about 5-6 years ago, we started taking cooking classes together from a local outfit with very accomplished pro chefs that do really good things in making some of the more esoteric recipes and techniques accessible. And I started to train up my inner prep chef to participate more fully. The very first class was knife skills, which I highly recommend to anyone who can afford it: there are just a few things that, once learned, change your attitude towards the kitchen forever. We've done a bunch of classes now in all sorts of different cuisines, from DIY dim sum to Moroccan tajines to a killer two-day Bolognese to the right way to do beef Wellington (take that, Gordon Ramsay). And as a result, we've bonded as a couple even more tightly over our kitchen work. It turns out that it is *fun*, when you actually know something of what you are doing and can contribute something to the shared experience. Who knew?

So I still scrub pots, grill things, and keep our knives surgically sharp. But when the inspiration du jour calls for a big pile of mirapois or the trinity, or she needs a chicken spatchcocked or a rabbit broken down, I can get in there and have her mise ready for her. We typically reserve Sunday afternoon for the week's cook, so we'll prep and cook a nice dinner, and also lay in whatever we want to have for lunches and dinners for the rest of the week so that we only have to cook midweek if an inspiration strikes. And I'm still getting better.

Now we just have to get back to Restaurant Depot in the next few days and get her another 50lb bag of flour, because she mows through that stuff like mad, making sourdough and bagels. It's become a pretty damned enjoyable foodie existence, if I do say so myownself...

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Twice bitten, permanently shy.

@usefewersyllables

working together on such a basic level is good
sharing the chores in (more less) amicable conditions
cooking with friends

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usefewersyllables's picture

@QMS

indeed! Working through the conflicts that inevitably occur during the learning process has also been really good for us.

I suppose that I should also note that we can also hang wallpaper together without killing one another, so we are probably an outlier relationship-wise... I'm a lucky SOB, and I know it. I'm forever grateful that she came along.

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Twice bitten, permanently shy.

@usefewersyllables

or lucky?

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usefewersyllables's picture

@QMS
(;-) n/t

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Twice bitten, permanently shy.

@usefewersyllables through cooking!
Just when you think there is no way to love your partner more than you already do, just wait until you sit down and eat your finished product together, shower each other with compliments, and chew with a smile.
I have a couple of clients who are chefs and caterers. Hmmm...I might get one of them to give us some lessons.

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usefewersyllables's picture

@on the cusp

definitely do that if you can. Even just an hour or two of learning really good knife skills from a pro can reduce the amount of work and the prep time for a meal dramatically (as well as reducing the number of band-aids required by an order of magnitude!). And there are so many little tricks that the pros use without even thinking about it, it'll just amaze you. Their knives are literally extensions of their hands, and once you learn to think with the edge of the blade as they do, life can get dramatically better. That probably made the biggest single difference for me.

Ply 'em with some nice wine, provide them with some good raw materials, and video record it- many of the things you'll discover that you want to know will be little second-nature things that they aren't even aware they are doing and won't even think to describe...

Another good source is to find really good chefs on TV to study. One man who demonstrates the most astonishing efficiency and economy of movement in his prep is Jacques Pepin, for example. Every time my wife and I watch his show "The Heart and Soul of Cooking", we find ourselves looking at each other and saying "Did he really just do that?", or "So that's what that is all about...", or "You gotta be kidding...". But the transfer of knowledge happens best of all with a little wine and the chef standing right there in the room with you. Magic can happen.

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Twice bitten, permanently shy.

@usefewersyllables I have very little strength in my hands, so just keeping a grip is iffy. But I agree that these magic chefs do things that are so basic to them, and amazing to us, that seeing them is worth the time. just fascinating, really.

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usefewersyllables's picture

@on the cusp

developing the right skills will make the strength and stamina you have go much, much further, and limit your fatigue from prep work.

Mr. Pepin, for example, nearly lost his arm in a horrific car accident years ago, and even to this day has very little strength in his knife hand. It is what he does with the strength he has that is poetry in motion.

It isn't power that makes a chef's knife work: it is finesse, and practice. Anyway, I hope that you get a chance to try it. That knowledge certainly has increased my enjoyment of the art of cooking.

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Twice bitten, permanently shy.

Jen's picture

My mother can only cook a few things well. I grew up on hot dogs, mac & cheese, apple butter sandwiches, pizza, and spaghetti. So, when I had kids, I had to learn a few things.

The two things I most proud of learning to make are lasagna and meatloaf. I got the main recipe for meatloaf in an old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. But the cookbook said to add onions and bell peppers and I will not touch anything with either of those things in it. Since I refused to add onions and peppers, I had to figure out something else to add to give it flavor. I chose worcestershire sauce without ever having tasted it before. To this day, my meatloaf still has worcestershire sauce instead of onions and peppers. I also learned that if I roll it into balls, it cooks quicker. So, I guess you could call them meatloaf balls.

I made that meatloaf when I stayed with my parents for a little while before my dad passed. When I added the milk and eggs, my mom asked me why I put milk and eggs in it. That was when I realized why her meatloaf sucked. She told me that I should teach her how to cook. Then she wanted to read the ingredients in the worcestershire sauce. She wouldn't even try it after she read that.

I figured out the lasagna on my own. Only thing is, I added cottage cheese instead of ricotta. Happiest accident ever. My kids and I will only eat lasagna if it has cottage cheese now - no ricotta for us.

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Is it great yet?

@Jen

have exchanged the milk for broth
use oats and eggs
worcestershire is key
celery if you have it
bbq sauce instead of ketchup / paste
parchment in a loaf pan
sage and parsley, salt and peppa

yum!

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Jen's picture

@QMS I use ketchup mixed with brown sugar and dry mustard. I make more than what's called for and then add more when it's done. So good.

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Is it great yet?

@Jen is from the '50's. I have to handle it with care. I still use it occasionally when I am unsure how long a particular cut of meat might take to roast.
I have to rework recipes around milk and eggs. I avoid them when possible.
Substituting a beloved ingredient for something a recipe calls for is part of the fun, isn't it?

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

in their own families and neighborhoods as good cooks, as was my MIL. I learned a lot from watching them. My mother was too impatient to be a good cook, but she kept a huge garden and we always had fresh fruit and veges. I really learned to cook when my girls were born and I decided that if we couldn't afford anything else but rent and utilities, they were going to have home cooked meals. I scoured thrift stores for cheap cookbooks and looked for recipes which used a small number of basic ingredients and that kids would eat. Pasta alfredo, renamed 'noodles' was a particular favorite.

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Mary Bennett

@Nastarana Also, I live in a remote, rural area, pretty far from quality restaurants. I had that reason to just learn how to cook.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

lotlizard's picture

Regulars here may recall that I have two friends who are totally blind and who each live alone in their respective cities (Philly / Amsterdam).

I really upped my cooking game when they started to use my presence as a house guest as an opportunity to prepare all sorts of things they always wanted to try, but which either weren’t possible without some sighted person’s help, or weren’t worth the trouble when only cooking for oneself. They supplied a lot of pent-up creativity and know-how they’d gotten from reading or hearing others talk, and I just supplied some eyes and hands.

It was an immense help for someone just to walk with them through a supermarket or the kitchenware dept. of IKEA and maintain a running commentary of what all is on the shelves, what’s on sale, etc. Online shopping often doesn’t work for them because too many websites aren’t coded properly so as to play nice with screen-reader software (in their case, a feature called “VoiceOver” built in to the software on every Apple device). Very common for them to spend a huge amount of time working tediously through user-interface idiocies and difficulties, only to be finally completely stymied at some step of checkout.

They also have a harder and harder time finding appliances with tactile controls and feedback, not the current fashion of a smooth seamless surface with an LED readout and, on areas of the surface where touching the surface acts like a button, symbols that can only be seen but not felt.

Oops, I veered away from the topic of cooking and ended up ranting about victimization and grievances and sh– related to “sight privilege” = lack of accessibility for blind people! Sorry! I do apologize.

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mimi's picture

@lotlizard the issue of sight privilege and lack of accessibility for the blind. I learned a lot through your comment. Thank you. How blind can a seeing person get? Way too blind.

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@lotlizard What a hard life.
This also made me think of another disability a friend has from her bout with COVID: She has not regained her sense of taste or smell. She cannot cook. She cannot smell food scorching, can't tell if food is spoiled...Her husband has to do all cooking for the family now. She says food tastes nasty, she can barely keep it down. She got the virus march or April of last year.

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lotlizard's picture

@on the cusp  
What life-form doesn’t enjoy feeding, or depend on “scent” = chemical signals from their environment?

Blind people especially are terrified by the prospect of losing yet another of their senses. They already suffer from limited bandwidth — the transfer of information via hearing being much more serialized in time than by sight, which can take in everything happening instantly in parallel over one’s 2D field of vision, plus 3D cues like smaller / partly obscured by overlap = farther away.

The shift to a graphical interface in computing, appliances, and gadgets was very unfavorable for blind folks. My friends still wax nostalgic at times about how simple for them to use the Apple II was, or a DOS PC with WordPerfect (history link, out-of-date now since it was written at the start of 2007 just before the iPhone took off).

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studentofearth's picture

My parents bought my younger sister and I some Easy Bake Oven mixes and baking kit to share, my sixth, Christmas. They could not afford the oven so we had to compromise and use Mom's. We had been pestering her in the kitchen to let us cook by ourselves without help. Learned to freelance cut those cakes in exact portions. Mom would always give the larger ones to my little sister or cousin.

Fourth grade 4-H cooking club learning simple recipes and competing at Fairs. Continued though advancing levels through 12th grade and added food preservation along the way. My Dad grew up a woodsman, freely shared adventures with his girls. The rule in our household was you caught it, you clean it, optional who cooked it. My Mom grew, gathered and preserved all types of fruits and vegetables, while we helped.

Eventually I graduated to most competitive and imaginative competition, family gatherings. I am still amazed at the variety and quality of food on the table created by individuals of limited means. The bowl of freshly picked blueberries, accompanied with fresh whip cream by a Great Aunt was hard to beat no matter the skill or unusual dish.

Now most of the time I adjust my cooking style to how large a prep area and number of dishes I want to clean-up.

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Still yourself, deep water can absorb many disturbances with minimal reaction.
--When the opening appears release yourself.

@studentofearth getting into competition with the cousins' dishes at the grandparent's Golden Wedding Anniversary! Lol!
True story, my mom did the cooking at that very event, with other family members bringing the desserts. All I did was play the piano. Opened the festivities with the Anniversary Waltz.
My brother was taught how to clean and cook fish. Any animals Dad or my brother killed when hunting were given to poor people around town. That was their purpose for hunting.

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mimi's picture

eat, was not what the Mister ate.

My fist visit in his student housing room: He got 'Quark' (a soft fresh cheese, something that is not offered in US stores), I got a tomato. He asked how on earth I could eat a raw (uncooked) tomato and I asked him How on earth he could eat 'Quark' with cherry jam.

So, I started to cook tomatoes and he stopped eating quark with cherry jam. And so it goes on to African style cooking later on.

Basically I learned to cook, because I had to... Smile

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@mimi African cooking...I bought a roasted ear of corn slathered up with butter while in Nairobi. The guide had the van driver pull over at a fire pit beside the highway. He had said, you don't buy from just any vendor, just the ones he said were ok.
I have tried a dozen times to grill an ear of corn like that, and haven't come close to the texture and taste of that wondrous thing from Nairobi.
Africa! I need to go back one day.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981