FTR: I began this essay early in March.

In my observation, many of us create idols. Inasmuch as perfection is the nature of idols, once we create an idol, we hear, see and speak no negative things about him or her; and some of us suspect anyone who does, even levying personal attacks at them.

In 2007, when Democratic spokespersons, pundits, et al. were dubbing the field of Presidential hopefuls "an embarrassment of riches," I made a cold-blooded calculation that Obama was the only one in a Democratic primary field rich in embarrassment who could win a general Presidential election. Because I very much didn't want a Republican to succeed Bush (how naive), I decided to do everything I could for Obama. Having made a purely practical initial decision, I then began to defend Obama (and Michele) against every criticism, even the Rezko deal.

I defended Obama so persistently and so thoroughly that I convinced myself. Et voilà, I began worshiping faithfully the idol I had myself created. You need not tell me how dumb I was or how many "handwritings" on the wall I'd ignored. By 2010, I knew enough about that to begin voting Green and writing in when no Green was running. While Obama was not solely responsible for that change, my many disappointments in him certainly figured significantly.

Sanders, on the other hand, had had my admiration well before he became a Presidential candidate, with everything that entails. When people urged him to primary Obama in 2012, my heart leapt, but he declined. So, when he announced for 2016, I could not have been more delighted. Initially, for all the reasons he lost the primary, I correctly assessed that he did not have a prayer of getting the Democratic nomination.

As soon as I heard he was "exploring" a run, I went all in for Sanders anyway because I thought it important that Americans hear his message, especially those who were not very familiar with New Deal or Great Society Democrats. (Apparently, not being alive during the Sixties and/or the Depression is sufficient reason not to know a thing about them. If only someone could invent oral history or writing or video--just any way at all of passing information from generation to generation.)

As I watched Bernie attracting jaw-droppingly large crowds, winning online polls, etc., despite my realistic self, I began to hope, then believe, that he might win the nomination after all. I then began fundraising, as well as donating and volunteering. Some say that Sanders did in fact win the nomination, but he wuz robbed. Yes, he wuz robbed. But...would he have won otherwise? For me, that is not quite an indisputable fact. YMMV--and likely does. Either way, that's been moot since November, 2016; and the 2020 primary season must now be the focus.

After Sanders lost, like most of you, I was more than disappointed. However, I consoled myself by remembering my initial view: He would not be the nominee, but getting his message out was incredibly valuable to me. But then, the kaleidoscope began moving. Yadda, yadda,I not only became confused about Sanders, but had the temerity to post here about my confusion--at least twice: https://caucus99percent.com/content/my-inner-journey-sanders-date; https://caucus99percent.com/content/my-inner-journey-sanders-date-phase-2. Also, I did not believe he had been threatened. https://caucus99percent.com/content/spoiler-candidates-and-protest-votes... In any event, I still am confused. Nonetheless, Sanders may get my primary vote (emphasis on "may.")

Is Sanders all I wish him to be, in a perfect world, aka, is Sanders my....pony? No. Even 2008 Candidate/idol Obama was not that--and I was more naive then. Do I agree with every one of Sanders' votes, policies and actions? No.

Do I wish that he had written or co-written more than a handful of substantive bills (including bills that were amendments)that became law during his twenty-give years in Congress? Yes. Then again, I wish Americans weren't content to pay huge amounts of money for a dog and pony show in D.C. that does little but spend our money and play us while they do so.

Do I wish that he had not made deals with Democrats? I'm not at all sure, but that, too, is moot. Do I wish that he had done more in preparation for 2019-20 to combat the things that deprived him of the nomination in 2016? Oh, man, do I!

Am I impressed that he formed the House Progressive Caucus (as it was called initially) very soon after being sworn in during his first term in the House, chaired it for its first eight years and remained a member after he became a Senator? Yes. Do I believe that he may well have accomplished all he could whilst among Republicans and post-Democratic Leadership Council Democrats? Probably.

Would I like to see at least one POTUS with whose votes I agree much of the time? Oh, Sod, yes. Do I agree with many of Sanders' stated positions? Definitely. Do I agree with him more than I agree with any Democrat who has announced so far? You're damn skippy, I do, with one possible exception: Tulsi Gabbard.

Gabbard has principles and is willing to make personal sacrifices to uphold them, as when she resigned from the DNC because it was violating its charter to sabotage Bernie. Upholding principle at personal expense is all too rare among "pragmatic" politicians. I am glad that she is running; I donated to help her get onto the debate stage; and I asked my email list to do the same. However, I don't know if she has a prayer of winning the nomination; and I think Sanders may need every primary vote in my state that he can get.

I believe in strategic voting. So, this is my tentative plan thus far: I will watch the polling in my state, both official and online. (I do not put all my faith in polls, but what other indicia can I go by?) If Sanders is far, far behind the DNC's anointed one in my state, whoever he or she may be, my primary vote may go Gabbard. Otherwise, it will go to Sanders. Because my state's electoral votes will go the Democratic nominee, even if he or she is Satan incarnate; I have no hesitation about voting Green in the general, no matter who wins the primary. Among other things, I'd like to see Greens get ballot access for the same reasons that I'd like to see Tulsi on the debate stage; namely, the 1.2-party system (not a two-party system at all) is bad for most Americans

No matter who I ultimately vote for in the primary and the general, however, it will be a human being. Never again will I vote for an idol of my own imagining, whether a political party or an individual politician. In that, I shall forevermore be "pragmatic."