Positive Thinking. Grin and Bear It. Fake it 'Til You Make It. Fuck That Noise.
Some of the therapists I've seen over the years since my diagnosis have used shit like this to describe ways of coping or dealing with certain situations. Unlike many neurotypicals, I don't have a 'switch' to 'turn it off'. You see, I'm not just dealing with Asperger's, I'm dealing with life-long depression as a result of not working with it early in life and I'm dealing with the neurological and physical aspects of hemiplegia.
Every time I feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel I go right back to what feels like square one.
I haven't had a single steady job in well over 4 years and any effort to find one has been a totally moot point with automation, ridiculous requirements even for entry level jobs and planned obsolescence being the order of the day with regards to IT.
I'll also be honest in saying I don't have any faith in myself when it comes to striking out on my own because I'm a creature of habit. When I had a steady schedule like when I was in college or when I held the jobs I had after that, I was happy. I had a routine and I had a purpose.
But for the past 4 years I've felt like a fish out of water. Nothing to do. No direction. No purpose. And it hurts. A lot. And sometimes I blow up at people. Nothing abusive, but it does tend to push people, including my partner, away. Believe me, with my upbringing I saw enough abuse both verbal and physical to last a lifetime.
I will say one thing though: I'm getting real sick and tired of how society defines people as upstanding or deadbeat based on whether or not they have a 'job'. People are working themselves sick and something has to give.
So at this point I don't know what to do with myself. Suddenly my mother-in-law's idea of building a compound out in the middle of nowhere doesn't sound so bad.
See ya around,
Aspie
Comments
Good luck, stay well, and don't give up
I know it can't be easy, but it ain't easy
on many of us out there. Again, Good Luck!
I never knew that the term "Never Again" only pertained to
those born Jewish
"Antisemite used to be someone who didn't like Jews
now it's someone who Jews don't like"
Heard from Margaret Kimberley
Fake it till you make it only works with adequate means
For many, if not most, people with disabilities, that excludes even a successful imitation of what the genuine "it" is. Were someone lazy, then opprobrium may be correct--but never therapeutic. The fact that a person with hemiplegia could hold down a full-time job in this era is simply amazing to me. You are to be congratulated and I do congratulate you. Unfortunately, the responses you have elicited are unwise and definitely unhelpful. Walk a mile in my shoes is good advice to give the doubters and scorners. And, yeah, enough of that shit.
People really have no idea.
I can't be on my feet more than an hour without intense back pain. Lifting things is a lot harder because my left side is much weaker than my right. And I have to wear a brace and a raised shoe on my left foot.
No able bodied, neurotypical person would survive even a day living like that.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
Many individual compare their own experiences to
to another's situation instead of listening and understanding the unique details of each life. It leads to a lot of bad advice and public policy. I think that is why historically wisdom was generally thought to come with age, one has run into more societal and physical limitations to navigate. Too few people actually become wise and most do not even consider it an active process. Your physical challenges are beyond the scope of understanding for most people. Who think a simple night rest, supplement of prescription will overcome all your obstacles.
Have participated in and observed creating compounds to assist in providing independence for family members. It can be as simple as two houses within walking distance, an apartment within a home or a multiple homes on contiguous properties. The success or failure comes down to how well all the individuals participating balance respect of the individual with the needs of compound living situations.
If respect for an individual is not provided in an extended living arrangement it will only get worse when living closer together. In a long term situation peoples needs change and capabilities change. So any living situation is temporary and will require modifications in the future. Fortunately mine have been successful, but not everyday was happy, smiley.
Still yourself, deep water can absorb many disturbances with minimal reaction.
--When the opening appears release yourself.
Yup.
Not to mention the fact that conditions can fatigue a person a lot faster. Imagine dealing with that every day. I know I did with every single job I held as a teenager and in my early 20s.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
I totally get it.
Sometimes I don't leave my home for weeks because of depression, panic, and assorted neurological problems.
Of course, I can't get any help raising my disability percentage, even though I'm WELL above the threshold for 100% disability, because I haven't been going to the VA mental health.
All they do is stick me on drugs that DON'T work. So I'm faced with a rather unfortunate ethical dilemma: Go to the VA, get the drugs and the refill and feel WORSE for more money eventually. Do the same thing, except flush the drugs and lie about ineffective treatment working. OR stay where I am and lose my house when the rent goes up.
It really is starting to feel like lying to the government is the best option, even though I morally am opposed to "Malingering". The problem is the government refuses to accept the truth that their drugs don't work and pot does.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
I don't blame you for doing it.
As far as pot goes, I actually tried it after graduating high school...well, I barely inhaled anything and coughed for about 5 minutes.
The drugs I have been put on over the past 5 years haven't done jack about dick when it comes to my mood.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
I'm an advocate for pot...
But only because it's the one thing that stops the self-hatred almost completely.
Of course, first time I tried it, I didn't think it worked either. Had to try a few blends until I found the one that worked for my chemistry. Like the way they SAY psychiatric drugs work, except the time frame is highly accelerated with a 15 minute efficacy time as opposed to a couple months that MAYBE might work.
Sorry, I am of the opinion that many of our "psychiatric" drugs are the placebo effect with a hundred dollar price tag.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Mine would be a thousand a month.
And that's if I didn't have a local script program helping me out.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
Oral marijuana works better with no pulmonary complications.
Yeah I can't fake it either.
A previous boss once told me how he wakes up in the morning. Smiles, raises his arms and thanks God for another day, then starts getting excited about all the great things he has a chance to do that day. Even if he's going through bad things in his life and pressures he must deal with he doesn't allow himself to consider any of it until he's gone through this morning ritual of positively.
I wake up most mornings with a terrifying sense of impending doom, it starts the second I transition from asleep to awake. The worst is when it (having to be alive) interrupts a good dream. I'm still blessed with those occasionally.
No! No, not this, please! No! No!
The sad part about the dream is, it's not a good dream because I can fly or I'm a billionaire or whatever, it's just normal, boring life. Working, grocery shopping, exercising, driving with my radio loud, feeling normal. Then I wake up and "whoa wtf?!"
So at some point I realize it's only a sense of doom, not actual doom (usually). Then I go about the process of trying to numb myself to tolerate it until I get to go to sleep again. I've had periods in my life where it's not like that but mostly it's like that.