Open Thread - Friday, November 18, 2016 , Deep Funk Edition
There was no answer, except the general answer life gives to all the most complex and insoluble questions. That answer is: one must live for the needs of the day, in other words, become oblivious.
~ Leo Tolstoy ~
These days, being oblivious is not so bad. Lately, I have been living in a deep funk. Oblivious to the noise and chatter and focused on the needs of the day.
Earlier this week, I took my Sweetie to the ALS clinic. Sweetie is in rough shape. Her breathing is very shallow, causing CO2 to build up in the blood stream. The ALS has mostly taken away her ability to swallow, cough and clear her throat. She can no longer tolerate breathing assistance and has entered a state of hypoxia. During our quarterly ALS clinic visit they tried to refer Sweetie to residential hospice. I had to let them know that is not the plan.
I can not imagine leaving her in the care of strangers for her last days. It would be soul crushing and cruel. Sweetie will die at home, with me by her side.
I don't know how long we have left. Sweetie works hard to breath and survive. Last night, she had settled into some peaceful sleep and I could not hear her breathing. I went and checked.
Sometimes I wander the streets of deep funk, staring and oblivious.
Have a great weekend! The thread is open.
Comments
You are braver than I, he died in the hospital at ca 2 AM
I was not there, he was effectively comatose when daughter and I saw him the day before. The nurse who called me asked if I wanted to come and see him. I did not want to, really would have preferred to not see him the last week of his life. His last good day was a warm sunny day, and I wheeled him out, portable O2 tank attached. We sat in the sun and smiled. I was an awful wheelchair driver and smashed his foot in the elevator. We kinda both chuckled. It was the last time that I proved to be a bad wheelchair negotiator. I could not deal with him at home when he lost the ability to walk. Even with a walker. I got him into the shower the last day at home and he fell, taking down the shower curtain and rod. That did it, I got him back to bed and called for an ambulance. He was a half fligt of stairs from the ground floor. Not willing to try that, I was having neurological problems with a leg of my own.
Two more days around 65, not bad for mid-November. Then the snow arrives on Sunday through Monday. Forecast changes every 4 hours. The week-out forecast was terrifying, a big dump on Sunday. Currently calling for 1-3" each day. I have to blow leaves today, too wet yesterday. Rain forecast on Saturday with the leading edge of the front. Time to get the summer tires out of the car when going into the shed to rescue the ubiquitous snow shovel and find snow removal tools for the car.
Best to you, Tim, and to Sweetie. I understand the expansion/contraction of time.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
It is coming
One of these days Sweetie will drop into coma.
We have home hospice services. The hospice was strange about my turning down the referral and told me that since I turned down the referral she will not be admitted later. I talked to the ALS Association and they are frustrated with the hospice.
I just want to take care of her.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
I'm glad you have home hospice. I don't see why it should be
up to Hospice when you decide to let her go there. Why not wait until she is in a coma or you decide her care is too much for you at home? That's just mean, IMO, to try to take your decision away from you.
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Good morning, Tim.
My mother died at home. I was happy we were able to do that for her. I wasn't there. I was on a plane home. Dad was with her, though, appropriately.
Dad died in hospice. He only lived 8 days after his massive stroke. We were barely able to get him from spiral to hospice. He had a luvivpng will, yet the tried to keep him alive. It was a fight and I felt like I was killing him by trying to get his wishes honored. He died with many of us by his side. It was a beautiful moment to share.
My husband died instantly, at work, of a major heart attack. We worked together, but I was not there that day. I was in class at the university. It was all over by the time I returned. My children were there, though (we worked for the public school in our community) and watched them try to revive them. They are still wounded by that these 29 years later.
My heart is with you as you stay present with your sweetie in her time of need. Strength to you.
"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11
Thanks RA
I make a point of spending some time spooning and cuddling. I have to put Sweetie on the bed during any transfer involving clothing on/off, so I might as well snuggle her. She can not talk, but I can tell she enjoys the closeness.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
She's a lucky girl.
Sorry for my typos - I should have read before posting. Ah, well, it was early and I had not yet washed the dried tears from my eyes.
"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11
I am so very sorry.
As you know all too well, ALS is one of the hardest things, both for the patient and for loved ones. Your strength is awesome. The situation stinks, but you are a blessing (not meant in the religious sense).
I can't imagine
... not providing the support and care. I have to carry on without her and be able to hold my head up. That is what I am funking sayin'.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Thank you.
The music people on this site post is so interesting and cool. I love it.
My brother in law's dad, a doctor, had ALS. My brother in law was with him, too. But, my brother in law was also doctor by then and his mom, the patient's wife, was a nurse. Maybe in some ways, that made it even harder for the three of them, but, in other ways, made it easier. Even though I try, I don't know a positive way to look at it, no matter what the other circumstances are. Just sending you every good wish I can (for all that does).
Sad for you, Tim
I am so sorry that both you and your Sweetie have had to endure this horrible disease at such a young age. I hope that she will slip away peacefully soon so that her suffering will be over. It is so heartbreaking to see someone you love so much have to suffer. My heart goes out to you, Tim. May PEACE find you both soon.
Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy
Hey GG
I don't feel young, anymore. I need to clear up some nagging injuries, get in shape and get back out among people to shake the feeling.
How's the air quality out your way?
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Tim, you are too kind
in asking about the air quality. I hope to post an essay later today about the fires. We left NC a week ago to go to a family reunion on hubby's side and then for me to visit my Mom. We saw the beginnings of the Pinnacle Mountain fire as we drove along SC 11. Most of Georgia was under smoke a week ago due to fires throughout the state too. Everything was fine Brevard then, but apparently, the smoke is now very heavy in Brevard due to the Pinnacle Mountain fire. Firefighters are doing a burnout today in the Pinnacle Mountain / Table Rock area to head off the spread when high winds hit this weekend. We were supposed to return today, but decided to hold off as the route we use (SC 11) is under heavy smoke.
I saw the heavy toll my father's Alzheimer's took on my mother who was his primary care giver until the last two years of his life when she was no longer physically able to care for him. Like you and your Sweetie, they had a lifelong love and it was very hard on her to watch him slip away. It takes time to recover and I hope you will make some time to invest in your own health. Your devotion to your Sweetie has been amazing and I deeply respect you for it. You are a very good man, Tim. May many blessings come your way in the future.
Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy
Party Rock
... is growing. Satellite pictures show the smoke carrying to the southeast (GA).
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Cold rain heading home
Cloverdale 39.1 °F Active Advisory: Frost Advisory
Answers to difficult questions about homelessness in Sonoma County
"that's the system."
Peace and Love
Thanks
Edit: to say this is how my district voted, for Clinton in a landslide. wtf
We live in a country
... with enough wealth that everyone could sleep in a bed and eat. That is if it were not for the greed, judgemental and sociopathical.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Here's wishing you peace...
and release. All the best to you both!
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAmPfEMI16g]
“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
Thanks LO
I am as mentally prepare as I can be. It is time to let go. Our oldest is 27 on 12/3 and the holidays are likely keeping Sweetie hanging in there. I anticipate a January check out.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Hi NCTim. :-)
I check for your diaries now. Your love for Sweetie permeates your writing. Your writing is excellent, and I love all the tunes. That music is also called rhythm and blues, and/or soul. I have a truckload of it on vinyl, cassettes and CDs.
Please know that you have a circle of friends here who have your back, psychically and cyberly. Rec'd!
Inner and Outer Space: the Final Frontiers.
Thanks!
Yeah, I used to do Funk Friday @ TOP. When I settled on Friday Open Thread, I kind of, sort of, stuck with the funk. Deep down I am more of a blues and soul guy. I have my digital library set up with genres including blues, blues/R&B, R&B and funky jazz. I tend to be more Stax than Motown. Digital library is hovering around 26K tracks, plus a couple thousand CDs and a thousand LPs. It's all about the groove.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
You are in trouble now.
We are talking like super serious soul tracks. I'm glad cos it will help you and Sweetie. Enough said. I am not computer smart. But, pull up Rufus and Chaka Khan "You Got The Love." Please take care.
Inner and Outer Space: the Final Frontiers.
Hang in there, sir.
Impossible times, but you are doing the best that can be done. Lots of us are pulling for you as best we can.
The price of love is grief, unfortunately. All the best to you and yours...
I was looking for you last week
for Idris Muhammad.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Duplicate post redacted.
Sorry about that- no idea why it happened...
The site can be kind of funky
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Nice!
I'll see your Moore and raise you a Garibaldi!
Blessings to you
and Sweetie. Grief is heavy literally it bares down on body mind and spirit. It takes you out of body, time and mind. You are an amazing loving brave human and so is your Sweetie. I'm lucky, as are you two, Shah and I found each other somehow in this crazy ass world. It's a gift to find this kind of love, I figure and it's forever. Sounds corny but it's true. Take care of yourself as you are going to be living for Sweetie as well as yourself.
I love your funky Friday OT's. I been staying offline mostly as it's just too damn depressing. I understand why they say ignorance is bliss. 12 years of being a political junkie hasn't really done much but make me painfully aware of how screwed we humans and the planet are. It's like The Tower of Babble. For what end? Your story strangely gives me a better perspective on what's important and matters. Blessings on you Tim and Sweetie. I hope sharing with all of us here helps you in the last part of your journey together.
Beautiful Van Morrison.
Perfect imagery of hello/goodbye for me. Tears.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
Thanks, so much
I do not look forward to the emptiness. So much has already been taken away that I am chafed to the final episode.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
NCTim hugs and love to you both.
Namaste, dood!
A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.
Merci
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Ahhh, Tim, wnat can I say, except maybe Funk. And, funk is
where you find it, some youngster told me the other day that this was funk, and, I guess it is:
That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --
I think
Joe referred to it as disco. Maybe he was just trying to set a threshold for Johnny.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -