I'm not really suited for phone banking. No matter how many hours I put in, I feel awkward and stilted and I doubt that any call I have ever made has influenced a vote. I've done a little bit for Bernie's campaign, but it's so painful that I stopped.

What am I suited for is the one-on-one long, rambling conversation done with mutual respect. This morning that happened with my AirBnb guest. I usually avoid politics with guests. I don't need to risk my income by triggering a guest's anger over political views. But, with this guest, we had been talking for a while and the conversation naturally went there and it was lovely. How do I know it was mutually enjoyable? In the end, she offered me free room and board in her home if I'm ever traveling to New York.

That's right. New York. I just converted a vote for this Tuesday's primary. Squeeeeeee!

So, how did this happen?

First, I listened to her. I affirmed what was driving her to support Hillary. I commiserated about the deep desire to see a woman occupying that office. I respected that she had her own reasons for supporting Hillary and I wasn't going to challenge her reasons.

Instead, I challenged some of the analysis and whether her conclusion supported her reasons.

"Oh, you're interested in having a woman in the White House because you're a feminist?"

"Yes."

"I'd like to see a woman in the White House, too. However, I don't want the first woman in the White House to be one who has stated support for the state controlling a woman's body once her pregnancy is in it's 3rd trimester. I find that awfully disrespectful of women. Having a woman willing to compromise our bodily autonomy will undermine the feminist cause."

"I didn't realize she had that stance."

"You really ought to look that up. She has clearly stated that she's open to compromising a woman's bodily autonomy. If that doesn't meet your definition of feminism, you might want to look at Bernie's stance. He's 100% supportive of our bodily autonomy, without exception."

Another piece of my strategy was to listen to her concerns about Bernie and do my best to address them. This conversation afforded me a chance to learn about the ways some people are perceiving him, if they haven't really known about him before this campaign. Here's a very simple example:

"How experienced can he be? He's never chaired a committee."
"Well, since he's an Independent and not a Democrat or Republican, it is unimaginable that he would be given a chairmanship."

"He's an Independent?! I had no idea."

"Yes, so you can see how politically astute he has had to be just to get on a committee. It's also the reason he's known as the Amendment King"

"What?"

There aren't a lot bills in his name, but he has more amendments than anyone else. Since he's not in one of the two major parties, this is the way he can push his agenda through legislation. Very smart, if you ask me."

"I had no idea he was so smart. That isn't coming through to me via his campaign."

It was a 3 and 1/2 hour conversation. She is Jewish and is observing the Sabbath, so she was relaxed and enjoying that I made coffee for her. We were both warm to each other and able to connect around our feminist principles.

It was interesting for me to hear about her perspective of the Jewish community's relationship to Bernie. She's sad that he isn't promoted as potentially the first Jewish president. She's concerned that he may have distanced himself from that community because it's emotionally charged for him. While she can understand it, she worries that as President, he needs to be able to speak to all constituencies. She wishes he had gone to AIPAC and given a speech which reflected his views, even though his message would not have been welcome there.

She is a doctor and she explained to me that all of her patients who are in their 70s and 80s support Bernie. When I asked if she sensed why, she replied, "Because they see him as something they've never encountered in all their years: a politician with integrity. They are sad that younger people don't get how profound that is."

She kept asking me questions about Bernie and I answered as best I could. I suggested she Google some of her questions. I also suggested that take the time to listen to an entire speech and not the sound bites that the media cherry picks. I told her that if she wanted to see how well-grounded he is in the face of opposing world views that she watch the video of his conversation at Liberty University.

We also talked about who has more viability in the general election.

But the clincher, I think, was me talking about what it means to have a vision as a compass and to direct ourselves toward that vision and believe that we can get closer to it if we have the will. I described it has having gone through a process to determine what the ultimate vacation destination would be. That once you've got that goal, you then look at where you are what you need to do to get the money, any gear, any companions and the time to make the trip. It may take you decades to put all the pieces together. You set up a savings fund, you gather resources. You know won't be there for decades, but you don't decide that you'll just go somewhere less appealing. You know you'll be most content with this trip. So, you dig in and start heading toward it.

Bernie's destination is a lot closer to mine than Hillary's is. Actually, I don't know what Hillary's destination is. If it's similar to Bernie's or mine, she clearly doesn't believe we can actually get there. So, she's willing to head off for another destination. Or a mystery destination.

I don't want my daughter and her future children to be headed for that mystery destination which doesn't address climate change, which doesn't address the social injustices wealth inequality, racism, sexism, heteronormativity, ableism and all the other -isms required to prop up the system for the 1%. I want to set the course toward the destination that is addressing those things. Even a step in that direction is better than not moving toward it at all.

Framing it this way, really seemed to move her.

I also want to note that I express to her, quite sincerely, that, as a woman, I have a lot of empathy for Hillary Clinton in a way. I can see that she has had to battle against the hard core sexism that prevails in our culture. To achieve what she has in a man's world is admirable. It is heartbreaking to me that in order to do so, she has had to adopt the qualities of the very culture that oppresses up. She has reached readiness for the Presidency at a time when the electorate is ready for a paradigm shift. She's part of the old paradigm.

There are generations of women who have fought and died for the gains women have made in terms of access to the economic and political power. It is disrespectful and a disservice to the understanding of how this oppression has been resisted to deny them the honor of appreciating what they have done. Yet, their battles and their strategies cannot be seen as the endgame. It isn't about getting a woman in a particular position. The end of oppression comes with a change of culture and principles. So, these women who have had to play the old game and by doing so had to become perpetrators of the old game have laid the groundwork for the next generations to actually change the game. We can't change the game, though, with women who only know the existing one. We need people, of any gender or identity, who embody the ethos of anti-oppression politics. Who have the will to start tearing down the master's house rather than attempt to live in it with the master.

It has to feel like a betrayal to have women abandon you when you feel you're on the pinnacle of your greatest success. I get that. But, the movement, the cultural shift, is about personal successes and who has "earned" it. It's about social justice and ending a culture of domination by a few and utter disregard of so many. My heart breaks for Hillary, as a woman. My heart can't be with Hillary as a feminist, as a humanist, as an anti-capitalist, as an environmentalist, as an anti-war activist ....

My deeply heartfelt compassion for the desire to reward a woman for making it in a man's world and for having a woman in the office of president seems to make it more possible for a Hillary supporter to hear me out.

Anyway, that's my heavy lifting for the New York primary. I wish there were venues where people who wanted to have mutually respectful conversations from different perspective over a cuppa or a glass of wine were scattered throughout town. No angry jabs or name calling. Simply discussing what your vision is and which policies you think will get there and which candidates you see embracing those policies. I'd be at that cafe 60 hours per week. At 3 hours per conversation, I might be able to convert 20 voters every week!

For now, I'm satisfied with my one vote conversion.