Alligator University announces recent discoveries and our latest commencement

Greetings, fellow swampers and those who prefer remaining dry. My apologies for not keeping c99 updated on the happenings at AU. For those new to this site, allow me to inform you of Alligator University, a distinguished institution of swampology and other forms of higher learning. Yours truly is honored to be AU's President, a position which is remunerative and rewarding on other ways. My brother Alphonse is the AU attorney. My sister Alice is in charge of curriculum and discipline (law and disorder, as we are fond of saying).

Mandatory display of AU logo:

News from the Departments of Physics and mathematics

Finally, arriving at the following conclusion, by researching all utterances of HRC following her wipe-out by the Orange Man, the number of reasons as to why she didn't prevail, equals Avogadro's constant, which is 6 X 10 to the 23rd power.

Joe Biden has been informed of this but can't wrap his head around the fact that this is not Avocado's constant. Word has it that he detests guacamole. But he does like Chinese and Ukranian food.

From the Department of Neurology, in our medical school*

*of which I am a proud graduate.

Ability to foretell the future has been perfected by the Dem party, which can now discover things unknowable by mere mortals. Clairvoyance is one of the DNC-friendly FBI's strong suits. For instance, without physical contact with the DNC server, the genii at the Hoover Building were able to discern the hack of the DNC server was perpetrated by the Russians, who then forwarded the info to Julian Assange.

The DNC story does not stop with clairvoyance.

Proof positive has been obtained by two Dem stalwarts (also known as stallers), that the Russians were indeed behind the dastardly theft of DNC/HRC secrets. Instead of pointing you, dear reader, to myriads of articles featuring Nervous Nancy and Chuckles, instead pictorial evidence is presented here:

Really, what more proof do you need to believe this? Perhaps a sworn statement by Adam Schiff?

The Department of Asian Studies refutes another Clinton misstatement

When the word misstatement is used, one must be aware of the kindness such a benign word entails. If I weren't so polite, the word used might have been nastier. Of course, I have a prejudice, or three. With HRC's considerable skill at avoiding international controversy, as demonstrated with her handling of Libya and Syria, it should come as a shock to those who will hear this for the first time: Hillary Clinton accused Mahatma Ghandi of being a gas station attendant. Everyone knows this to be untrue, since Indian gas stations have been self-serve since the early 40's. So the great Ghandi, whose efforts at peaceful protest have been undone in just 4 years by the Evil Queen, is being denigrated by a habitual liar candor-free individual.

News from the Political Science Department in conjunction with the Department of Physics

Joe Biden has been observed to change his positions with the ease of Schrödinger's cat. Open the box, if you can, to see where China Joe's true sentiments lie--oh, you mean we should check his donor list instead. At JB's rallies, attendance has been so low, that Joe had to pull Hunter out of Rehab in order to fill a seat at one of his inspiring rallies.

Department of Political Science reports on Democrat debates

Due to the multiplicity of top-notch (and lower notch, too) candidates vying for nomination, the impracticality of having all contenders debate in a meaningful way, the DNC has replaced the contemplated debates with a winner-take-all game of Pokemon Go. This promises to be an exciting event. The directionally challenged candidates, those who don't know right from left are predicted to be at a disadvantage in this upcoming contest.

We have a picture of the first seven debaters lining up for their turns at catching Pikachu.

Department of Native American Studies

Yes, our very own DNAS has discovered that in a face-saving attempt, non-Cherokee Liz Warren has arranged to become adopted by the Kickapoo Indian Tribe, for a small contribution to the Kickapoo Indian Social Services-Member Enrollment (KISS-ME) committee. Since Pocahontas is not a Kickapoo name, Liz gets a new tribal name. "White-eye squaw in wigwam", which in the original language is "Wesquiw". Those of us following Liz, from quite a distance now, we wish her the best of luck. One condition laid down by the Kickapoo elders is that in future Liz Kitchen chats, she will eschew beer in favor of branded Kickapoo Joy Juice.

Summer Commencement

My sister Alice takes great pleasure in announcing that we are graduating a fine class of individuals to assume places of importance in the world. Hah! You thought we are all reptilian swamp dwellers. Not true, we have open enrollment to all students of merit. This categorically excludes Clintonites for reasons which need not be explained here. Yes, AU has graduated folks from all around the world. Just to prove what I say is true, I present the following picture taken from our recent graduation:

Apropos of an earlier section in this report, the AU Music Department felt the following song to be spot on. So let's hear it for the former Pocahontas, now known as Wesquiw. Sing along, y'all.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p13gx9wnNBc]

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Pricknick's picture

because goggling is what I would need to actually observe the president at work.
You had me at genii. What a hilarious plural
Well done AE. I kneel to your might jawls.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

What a great escape.

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"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

Don't snap my head off.

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

Unabashed Liberal's picture

this respite from RL.

Thank you 1000000000 X 1000000000 times!

Clapping

Mollie

“Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.
~~Roger Caras

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Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.

Perfect for happy hour! Cheers!

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Only a fool lets someone else tell him who his enemy is. Assata Shakur

mimi's picture

crying out loud and not knowing how to make the world a fairer place with more justice.

Alligator I would have given you that photo voluntarily, if you had not shown your teeth without any shame and opened up your mouth so wildly.

You have really an impressive mouth and sharp teeth. Kudos.

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mhagle's picture

Thanks! I-m so happy

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Marilyn

"Make dirt, not war." eyo