Footprints In The Calcium Carbonate

AUTHOR: CAITLIN JOHNSTONE

One night I dreamed a dream that I was standing on a beach with God.

“Do you see those two sets of footprints?” the Lord asked me.

“Yeah!” I replied. “Are they from when you were walking with me through the difficult times in my life?”

“What? No, that’s where two humans were walking! They can walk on their hind legs, totally erect! It took millions and millions of years of evolution.”

“Oh, yeah, I know about that,” I replied.

“Oh yeah I know about that,” God mocked in a high-pitched, exaggerated Australian accent. “So I guess you were here during the Big Bang when I set all this in motion? You have a full appreciation of the magnitude and scope of the way the stars conspired to form life on a Goldilocks planet along a trajectory that would one day become capable of the neurobiological gymnastics of bipedal ambulation??”

“Uh, well, I guess not, no. Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Like to see you create fully bipedal primates out of a complete and total void, smartass.”

“Look, I said I was sorry! Hey, I have a question. I’ve been really struggling in life lately, and–”

“Calcium carbonate,” God interrupted.

“Huh?”

“That’s what the sand’s mostly made of. Do you know what that is? The crushed up exoskeletons and endoskeletons of ancient sea life! Those two humans made those footprints on a giant graveyard of, like mollusks and crustaceans and stuff. Later they’ll build a castle out of it! How cool is that?”

“Pretty cool I guess, but–”

“See how many grains of sand there are? If you counted every one of them on this planet, there would be less of them than the number of stars that astronomers can see from here.”

“Whoah.”

“You bet your sweet fuckin’ ass whoah!” God said with his finger in my face before balling up his fist and thumping his chest. “I made all this! Me! Chet!”

“Okay, but I really need to ask you some important– Wait, your name’s Chet?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, uh, Chet. Look, sometimes life can be really painful, and I was wondering if you had any kind of wisdom or advice or anything while I have your attention?”

“Dammit motherfucker, haven’t you been listening to anything I just said? I pointed the unfolding of the entire universe at this moment, right now, just so a bunch of primates could walk around on their hind legs on the dirt here and look around at this amazing place I made! Do you know how much work it took the stars to get you here? To create elements and planets, to create DNA, to have a few small mammals survive the snapping jaws of the dinosaurs and eventually figure out how to stand up and walk in the sand while arguing about Donald Trump? You’re riding the crest of an explosion of miracles far beyond your comprehension and you’re asking me, what? How to do it right? Just show up, dude. Just show up, stop taking all this for granted, and stop making it about yourself.”

“Oh. Ohhhh. Okay. Alright, yeah.”

“Come on, let’s take a walk.”

“Okay.”

We walked along the beach for a while, our footprints mingling with the people who’d gone before us.

“Hey, God?”

“What?”

“Will you carry me?”

“Fuck no.”

https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2019/03/21/footprints-in-the-calcium-carbon...

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carry me?
Fuck no!

perfect

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12 users have voted.

Ya got to be a Spirit, cain't be no Ghost. . .

Explain Bldg #7. . .

snoopydawg's picture

"Fuck no and one more thing. Don't f'ck up what I made!"

Love this.

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12 users have voted.

America is a pathetic nation; a fascist state fueled by the greed, malice, and stupidity of her own people.
- strife delivery

Pricknick's picture

@snoopydawg @snoopydawg
She has a mind that is full of wonder and deep thought with more than a touch of humor.
I'm pleased to be able to spread what little sanity there is left in the world.

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12 users have voted.

Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

earthling1's picture

Chet, heh heh.
Just don't call him Chuckie for short.

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8 users have voted.
mimi's picture

Clearly not following the rules of how we roll here on C99p. Didn't God read the FAQ (that are no fuck rules, God, just to make sure you get it)?

Good morning, I am having headaches. So forgive my attitudes.

PS: I don't understand what the reference to 'Chet' means. I guess it's something funny. Let me have a laugh, thanks.

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6 users have voted.
Centaurea's picture

@mimi @mimi

I'm seeing it as a wonderful play on words.

Chet is an old-fashioned, cowboy-ish nickname for Chester or Charles. As applied to the Divine Being, it's kind of amusing.

Consulting the Urban Dictionary, I see that "Chet" is also used to describe an "alpha male", the "take-charge" kind of guy who's the top dog in the pack, someone you don't want to piss off.

Chet is also one of the letters in the Hebrew alphabet, although it's pronounced differently from the man's name. In the kabbalah, it has various esoteric spiritual meanings, the main one being life. Undifferentiated, pure potential. Gateways, doorways, new beginnings, the realm of all possibilities.

So Chet has both profane (worldly) and sacred meanings.

I can't say for sure what Caitlin meant by using the name Chet for God, but I suspect she's very aware of the different meanings. Very clever, is our Caity.

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14 users have voted.

"Don't go back to sleep ... Don't go back to sleep ... Don't go back to sleep."
~Rumi

"If you want revolution, be it."
~Caitlin Johnstone

mimi's picture

@Centaurea
thank you so much, your are an angel in my books. Smile

Love this community a lot for all the lessons I get here.

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7 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

Don't ask any questions, just listen to the dogma and don't question. No, science isn't a dogma, it's a fact! How can I tell, because scientists tell me to. No, I don't completely understand the math and I have only what the MSM tells me the scientists say, but I can trust them because I've always trusted them, and know they know the truth. Because proof isn't really necessary when you have faith.

Because it has always been so. It's not like it's dogma or anything.

At a certain point, every simplistic model falls apart. God in this story apparently has decided to be a dick about it. Rather than the proper response to a simplistic model's failure, which is to expand the model to encompass new material, he chooses to fall back onto "Shut up and trust me, because I'm God." An Arrogant god, for arrogant people.

Because, guess what, God. IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. I can control only one person's actions. Only one person's emotions. Only one person's mark on this world. It's all I get, and you fucking know it.

Maybe the only thing I get out of this life is a little crazy and a few great stories. I'm comfortable with that. I'll get it right next time. Or I won't. But I won't stop trying. This God seems to be happy to stick a fork in humanity. I've seen humans be better than they are. I've seen good things come from doubt, and things that every rational scientist swears is completely impossible and only the result of a deranged and addled imagination.

I've also seen far worse. Often done in the name of Gods just like this.

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3 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

@detroitmechworks @detroitmechworks

If there was a god and I was it, I would be just like Chet. Bipedal primates are too stupid to get a vote.

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4 users have voted.

"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

detroitmechworks's picture

@dkmich But then, hey, I'm the guy analyzing fart jokes. (Which have been around since the dawn of recorded theater, and the first known written joke was scatological, so YMMV on that.) Honestly, I've written a few, and every time I do, I find that the best fart jokes aren't actually about the fart.

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2 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

@detroitmechworks

Anything that starts out with God walking down the beach doesn't need logic.

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6 users have voted.

"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

Daenerys's picture

@detroitmechworks that's just further proof that god is an asshole.

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3 users have voted.

This shit is bananas.

Pricknick's picture

@Daenerys
to find a fault with your reasoning.
Well done!

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3 users have voted.

Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

No one else got this earworm? huh Thanks Pricknick, I don't totally believe in any one gawd, not even science. I prefer it all now, snark plus sciences plus goddesses plus nothing at all. no minuses

Paul McCartney & Wings- Jet

Jet! Jet! Jet!
I can almost remember their funny faces
That time you told 'em that you were going to be marrying soon
And Jet,
I thought the only lonely place was on the moon
Jet! Oo Jet! Oo
Jet! Was your father as bold as a sergeant major?
Well how come he told you that you were hardly old enough yet?
And Jet,
I thought the major was a lady suffragette
Jet! Oo Jet! Oo
Ah, mater, want Jet to always love me?
Ah, mater, want Jet to always love me?
Ah, mater, much later
Jet! With the wind in your hair of a thousand laces
Climb on the back and we'll go for a ride in the sky
And Jet,
I thought that the major was a little lady suffragette
Jet! Oo Jet! Oo
And Jet,
You know I thought you was a little lady suffragette
Jet! Oo
A little lady. My little lady, yes
[... lyricsfreak ]
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5 users have voted.
Lookout's picture

Now I can't speak for Australian beaches, perhaps weathered reef provides most of it's beach sand...but I doubt it. Most beach sand is carried to the shores by rivers and swept along and deposited by the longshore current.

So I had to look it up and like most things - it depends...

...in the Florida panhandle, (our closest beach), the sand is often very white because of its high quartz content over feldspar and hornblende.

Farther south around Miami, the sand also trends fairly white, but for a completely different reason: A significant amount of the sand particles there are made of calcium carbonate, or the tiny bits of fragmented shells from sea life.

Tropical regions have more of this shell-derived sand than temperate regions, where the sand is mostly silica-based in the form of quartz.

Williams pointed to some other neat examples. "Many of the beaches in Bermuda have not only white sand but have pink or reddish sand particles as well," he said. The origin of this famous coloration is the remains of tiny, single-celled creatures called Foraminifera that have pink or reddish shells.

Hawaii, meanwhile, is well-known for its black sand beaches, the result of ground-up, dark volcanic rocks. Some beaches on Hawaii's Big Island even have a greenish tint, thanks to the presence of the mineral olivine.

https://static7.businessinsider.com/where-does-beach-sand-come-from-2013-7

Not that science is relevant when a conversation with Chet is involved, but it's a pretty good idea to hold peoples feet to the sand when speaking for Chet.

Thanks for posting Caity's piece, and hope you don't mind the science 2 cents.

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7 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

dystopian's picture

@Lookout Composition of sand in any area depends totally on source. I just figured as described they must be on a shore where corals. Around many temperate river mouths, a great source of the world's sands, it can be from the mountains, and like you say quartz based. Other places it is volcanic, and especially where corals, calcium carbonate based.

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5 users have voted.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

lotlizard's picture

In this case, Chet is alien intelligence who looks just like Dad.

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