Essay Title Contest

I have been trying to come up with a title for this essay for 20 minutes and my mind is a blank so let's see who can come up with the best one.

Vibrator in luggage sparks bomb scare, shuts down Berlin airport

Passenger note #SXF airport: Due to police investigation concerning a piece of baggage, check-in at Terminal D is currently restricted.

Staff at Berlin Schönefeld thought they had made an explosive discovery after finding a suspicious looking device in the checked baggage at the airport – but the reality was a little less penetrating. A terminal was evacuated and flights grounded after baggage handlers at the transport hub alerted security to a device found during a routine X-ray of one passenger’s bag.
....

“When I arrived, the terminal was being evacuated,” the passenger wrote. “I approached a police officer and told him that I needed to check my bag with the baggage handlers. He asked my name and for my passport. He then spoke into his radio and several armed police swarmed me with automatic weapons.”

The incident reportedly left the assembled security forces in stitches as the red-faced passenger returned to find that they’d missed their flight home.

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k9disc's picture

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“Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.” ~ Sun Tzu

Lookout's picture

Airport Shut Down After Dildo Enters TSA ?

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

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Ya got to be a Spirit, cain't be no Ghost. . .

Explain Bldg #7. . . still waiting. . .

If you’ve ever wondered whether you would have complied in 1930’s Germany,
Now you know. . .
sign at protest march

janis b's picture

@Tall Bald and Ugly

I guess the agent didn't see that movie.

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detroitmechworks's picture

100% credit to my SO for that one.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

janis b's picture

@detroitmechworks

that's a great headline. You both sound well matched, at least literally ; ).

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Pluto's Republic's picture

Too soon, perhaps. But there's always:

"Shakes on a Plane."

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Populations don’t like wars. They have to be lied into it.
That means we can be “truthed” into peace. — Julian Assange
QMS's picture

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truth is considered foreign influence, world peace is a threat to national security

janis b's picture

@QMS

Short and to the point.

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dystopian's picture

We won't get you off on time.

Who did not recognize it? Really? In Germany they do not know what that is?
Well ya see I thought it was a big bullet. So we closed the airport, threw the whole euro schedule off, made bunches miss planes, over a sundry item.

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

janis b's picture

@dystopian

Jbou would be proud of that response.

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dystopian's picture

@janis b merci beaucoup!

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

janis b's picture

@dystopian

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Lily O Lady's picture

@dystopian

Familia Centre near Heidelberg, or there was in the late 90s.

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"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"

dystopian's picture

@Lily O Lady Thanks LOL, I was gettin' worried about them... my ancestors. Which as I understand it, were from the Heidelberg area (!), which shares most of the letters of my last name. Too funny you mentioned that of all towns. Our first came over a while ago though, 1749.

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

janis b's picture

@dystopian

Germans are well acquainted with such apparatus.

1749- That's a lot of practice ; )

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ggersh's picture

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I never knew that the term "Never Again" only pertained to
those born Jewish

"Antisemite used to be someone who didn't like Jews
now it's someone who Jews don't like"

Heard from Margaret Kimberley

vtcc73's picture

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

edg's picture

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janis b's picture

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dystopian's picture

Pleasure seekers pleasure seeking device delays pleasure seekers seeking pleasure

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

by TSA vibrator!

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

thanatokephaloides's picture

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"US govt/military = bad. Russian govt/military = bad. Any politician wanting power = bad. Anyone wielding power = bad." --Shahryar

"All power corrupts absolutely!" -- thanatokephaloides

WaterLily's picture

After this brief TSA interruption.

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WaterLily's picture

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Alligator Ed's picture

For a happy time, keep it in between the thighs.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojbd1jFDJBw&frags=pl%2Cwn]

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dystopian's picture

Pleasure seekers delayed due to discovery of pleasure device.

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

snoopydawg's picture

They gave me a much needed laugh Smile

Phone call to wife waiting for him at home. "Honey I'll be coming soon after I'm done being screwed by the TSA."

I'm reminded of when I worked at a hospital and guys would come into the ER because the device traveled a bit too far and they had to have them surgically removed. Okay. Maybe TMI?
Hey we're all adults right?

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“When out of fear you twist the lesser evil into the lie that it is something good, you eventually rob people of the capacity to distinguish between good and evil.”
~ Hannah Arendt

EdMass's picture

it's the tickle that will kill you

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Prof: Nancy! I’m going to Greece!
Nancy: And swim the English Channel?
Prof: No. No. To ancient Greece where burning Sapho stood beside the wine dark sea. Wa de do da! Nancy, I’ve invented a time machine!

Firesign Theater

Stop the War!