So I got an email saying I matched a new job. My ass. The description reads like they're looking to hire from within. It's far too specific for me to believe they're looking for someone trainable. Or worse, they aren't looking to hire at all.

Job Title: Information Systems Security Engineer

Job Location: Melbourne, FL

Job ID: ES20171010-21297

Job Description:

Responsible for monitoring security events to identify anomalies within the network
Use skills and external resources to validate those events as valid or false positive
Historical analysis of logs associated with security events
Produce well-written reports outlining incident and potential mitigation
Data mining from various sources looking for anomalous activity
Communicate with teammates about potential incidents and trends
Mentor junior analysts
Troubleshoot VPN sessions / issues
Handle phone calls from customer
Apply baseline security configurations to network equipment
Understanding of various Operating Systems
Work with other teams to troubleshoot network-related issues
Shift work required in 24X7X365 Environment
Must be able to provide on-call support as needed
This includes working Holidays and weekends as part of the shift
Must be able to work in a fast-paced ever-changing environment

Qualifications:

Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science or related field.
10+ years of experience understand system logs and be familiar with log analysis
10+ years of experience understanding of cyber-attack vectors (Buffer Overflow, Phishing, etc.)

Preferred Additional Skills:

Strong investigative drive
Self-motivated individuals
Strong written and oral communication skills
Strong listening skills
Ability to work in a team environment
Information Security experience
Understanding of system vulnerabilities and exploitation
Understanding of vulnerability mitigation
Security+ Certification or equivalent certification Preferred REQUIRED (There, I corrected for those bastards at HR)

Please be aware many of our positions require the ability to obtain one. Security clearances may only be granted to U.S. citizens. In addition, applicants who accept a conditional offer of employment may be subject to government security investigation(s) and must meet eligibility requirements for access to classified information.

By submitting your résumé for this position, you understand and agree that Harris Corporation may share your résumé, as well as any other related personal information or documentation you provide, with its subsidiaries and affiliated companies for the purpose of considering you for other available positions.

Harris is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employer. We consider applicants without regard to race, color, religion, age, national origin, ancestry, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, marital status, veteran status, disability, genetic information, citizenship status, or membership in any other group protected by federal, state or local law.

I can be trained to do this and I know it. Yet for reasons far beyond my control, jobs like these are unobtainable. Shit like this is the exact reason that, if I ever had the opportunity, I'd tell the hiring managers who write this kind of crap to fuck right off.

In other news...I actually paid a visit to an old supervisor today. Things at the office are hectic because of Hurricane Irma and such, but it seems I have a few more potential customers because of this visit. A lot of people seem to think there's huge potential for this little enterprise of mine to take off.

See ya around,

Aspie