So I was thinking about that "See That My Grave Is Kept Clean" song, and decided I should compose a blues called "See That My Noseholes Are Kept Clean." It would be based on the Fact that old men should be prescribed cocaine, to scour their nostrils of the hair that, with age, sprouts in there, like bristles on a hog.

It is Known that cocaine is effective in burning off nosehairs, from our Studies of cocaine phenomena back in the newspaper days. It is true that cocaine is currently illegal, but so what? Marijuana was once illegal, but not any more (except in the Hairball regions, where the humans eat roots and grubs, and handle poisonous snakes, while screeching at top volume hosannas to Yahweh). Psychedelics are illegal, but not for long: humans in Hairball-free zones like California, Oregon, and Colorado are placing on the ballot measures that will legalize psilocybin, as it has been Proven to ease many mental maladies, including the toxic shock of turning on the television, and discovering that The Hairball is still the president.

And so it is inevitable, that cocaine, it too, shall become legal. Particularly when it is understood it will be used to blast the hog-hairs out of the noseholes. The cocaine will be found in the old man section of the pharmacy: there will be Preparation H, for the hemorrhoids, and there will be Preparation C, for the nasalroids.