Why you MUST support Oprah for Preznit

Remember when not supporting Hillary made you a misogynist?
Wait, I voted for Jill Stein!

It doesn't matter. You are still a misogynist (or self-hating woman).

Now not supporting Oprah makes you both misogynist and racist.
Wait, I support Nina Turner!

It doesn't matter. You are still misogynist and racist (or self-hating etc. etc).

How does that work?
So what does Hillary and Oprah have that Jill Stein and Nina Turner don't?

The answer is: lots and lots of money.

I know what you are thinking. That's sounds hypocritical, but it's not.
Let me explain.

Rich people care more about racism and sexism because they are more affected by it.
No really. Bear with me for a moment longer.

Poor women and minorities are often confused about the reason why they are discriminated against.

You see, poor women and minorities just assume that they are being discriminated against because of their race and/or gender (i.e. bad discrimination), when in fact they are often discriminated against simply because they are poor (i.e. good discrimination).

Do you see the difference?

Rich people will always know why they are being discriminated against.
More importantly, poor people don't appreciate how important it is to society that they be discriminated against.

If poor people were treated equally under the law like rich people, then how would poor people know that they are unworthy and morally defective? It would be wrong.

For instance, have you noticed how only working class whites have a racism problem, but rich whites don't?
It's because wealthy people can buy "karma offsets" that morally purify them.
Simply by being wealthy they are above such crude prejudices such as racism. Classism takes up too much time for that.

Only the wealthy can be trusted to support the right kind of diversity.
Not diversity of policies and ideas (i.e. "dangerous" politics), but diversity of gender and race (i.e. the appearance of politics).

It's important to give people the impression that voting matters, and that requires the right kind of diversity.
Otherwise the working class might desire real change, and they just can't be trusted to know what's good for them. The rich should know, because they've invested so much time and effort in dumbing down public schools.

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Comments

In case anyone is confused, this essay was heavy on sarcasm.

Borowitz

Donald J. Trump issued a stark warning to the nation on Monday that, if elected President, Oprah Winfrey would force Americans to read.

“This is a woman who, every chance she got, told people to join her book club,” Trump told reporters. “If she were President, you better believe that she would make every single American join that book club.”

Claiming that Winfrey “never met a book she didn’t like,” Trump accused her of planning to institute an “individual book mandate,” which would require non-reading Americans to pay as much as two thousand dollars a year for refusing to read a book.

“People were worried about Obama coming to their homes and taking away their guns,” Trump said. “Oprah will come to your homes and leave books there, which is far, far worse.”

Joining Trump in his remarks was the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, who warned about the dangers of Winfrey’s pro-book agenda.

“I am a firm believer in school choice,” DeVos said. “And central to that is the choice not to read.”

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41 users have voted.

@gjohnsit Dem books are scary, scary things for you Donald, we know.

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Steven D's picture

@gjohnsit I'm seeing reports that major donors are anonymously saying Oprah will be given the nomination by the Dems if she wants it.

Tells you what our betters want for us, doesn't it?

That Sanders guy, or Stein , or Nina Turner, Tulsi Gabbard, they are supposedly the people who are tearing the Democratic party apart. Only Oprah can save them. It's ludicrous.

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37 users have voted.

"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

Steven D's picture

@Steven D

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20 users have voted.

"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

@Steven D I guess a top Democratic donor just confirmed that the primaries and nomination process are a sham since the nomination is hers and voters have no say. No news there, but it is nice to have the inadvertent admission.

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21 users have voted.

@Roy Blakeley

Oh, good, so the Dems don't need voters again and everyone can safely vote Green without feeling guilty about splitting the vote!

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22 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

divineorder's picture

@Steven D @Steven D Somewhere on Twitter someone is describing how cows can fly...
/s

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4 users have voted.

A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

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25 users have voted.

chuck utzman

You can blame me. I did not vote for Her Heinous.

@chuckutzman Advice to Dems

Parties generally control subpresidential nominations by flooding resources (money, technical expertise, quality staff and consultants, volunteer time, and more) to favored candidates. Ideally, they "clear the field" by withholding resources from other potential candidates, leaving only the party's choice to run in the primary election.

Yes, that is "ideal".

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Daenerys's picture

@chuckutzman Here we go again. Sigh.

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28 users have voted.

This shit is bananas.

QMS's picture

“And central to that is the choice not to read."

this is our "is kids learning" chief?

Perhaps better english would say "...is not the choice to read". At least that way it makes (some) sense.

Sheesh

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Wink's picture

only if she were the Education czar, @QMS . Alas, she's the anti-edjacation czar.

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13 users have voted.

the little things you can do are more valuable than the giant things you can't! - @thanatokephaloides. On Twitter @wink1radio. (-1.9) All about building progressive media.

@QMS

“And central to that is the choice not to read."

Just to mention, imagine you hear someone saying that out loud..

With added punctuation and emphasis: "And, central to that, is the choice not to read."

It's actually fine as a sentence. It's the concept that, as anything other than the snark it is, would suck, coming from the position of the person being mocked in this classic Borowitz spoof, although I can certainly - and unfortunately - imagine her saying such a thing in RL...

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9 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

QMS's picture

@Ellen North was trying to point out the meaning of the DeVos statement by switching words around, ie:

And the central point to that is the choice not to read (DeVos)

vs

And the central point to that (decision, legislation, whatevah) is not the choice to read. In other words she is saying that reading is no longer encouraged in primary education. Kids are no longer given the choice to stray from the computerized testing model by, ohmygod, having the right to read. F'ing doublespeak brought to you by those that make a living by killing the 'merkin minds.

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@QMS

Thanks, I hear ya! Heaven forfend that kids should read freely and widely to help broaden their minds, learn to think and use their imaginations independently so that they can think for themselves, make their own informed decisions and put themselves in the shoes of others. That's the last thing TPTB want for them.

Sometimes not sure whether to laugh, cry, or just go for full hysterics...

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1 user has voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Bollox Ref's picture

in The Constitutionthingy, but apparently there's a monetary test.

Ordinary people need not apply for office.

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23 users have voted.

Gëzuar!!
from a reasonably stable genius.

Godless's picture

I generally agree with the authors sentiment but am amazed they managed an entire article about class without actually using the word. It is us versus them; the us being working minions and the poor with the them being all those who think they are better and deserving of more a voice because of a rotten capitalist system. Oprah and the rest, whether left or right, are the them who have zero interest in really helping the us. Oprah could take millions of dollars and give out free college scholarships to poor women everywhere but she doesn't because she got her so to hell with the rest. She could also walk into the office of every women running for local office in the USA and lay down a check but she doesn't. She could get them all in her studio and tell them to reach under their seat,"You get a check and you get a check." but she doesn't. This is a class warfare and she is on the wrong side of the fight.

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snoopydawg's picture

The Way of the Bern has a thread going that states that the women who accused Weinstein weren't invited to the Gala. Was Oprah aware of this during her speech? I find her speech a tad hypocritical after reading her statement to Weinstein when the accusations came out against him.

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America is a psyop wearing a cowboy hat

...a bazillionaire celebrity candidate who's been in everybody's faces on TV for decades, and who's guaranteed not to rock the neoliberal boat or allow anyone else to. Ugh.

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for our owners though, right? A couple recognizable faces and dueling personalities to make people think we still have any say in what goes on. Nice cover for the fascist corporate owners. And really, with corporations dictating what is done, a celebrity would be fine for America. As long as they can hold a pen they are qualified. It helps if they can speak nice, but it's not necessary really, but it will enforce that team sport mentality of the voters. It will be a great show for all and one hell of a diversion. And here in Murka, it could work too. Money will be made from the spectacle. USA, USA, USA!!!

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orlbucfan's picture

They are also mightily stoo-pid!! Can't have that around the serfs, y'know! Rec'd!! @lizzyh7

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4 users have voted.

Some yahoos make me want to change species!

supporter.jpg

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@JtC

Oooooo, those would be perfect for containing the mess from heads exploding!

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9 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

@Ellen North
jock strap is too large for his tiny hands, no? He's wearing it appropriately. Besides it's much more useful supporting his massive 'very stable genius' ego than what it's originally intended for.

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@JtC be an athletic supporter. /rimshot!

Thanks, this is unreal.

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@JtC @JtC @JtC

Lol! Indeed! Except, isn't there supposed to be a part up front to go over his mouth?

Edited for my standard letter-typo.

Pressed edit on this, no idea how I managed to wind up with a dupe (apologies!) appearing below, complete with still-typo'd text - or how, after this, the previous time I pressed edit on the original, I somehow wound up back on the dupe with the fixed typo. But I managed to get this one this time and could tell because the original (and strangely appropriate) letter-typo was still present, so maybe finishing my morning coffee will help prevent future occurrences, lol. Haven't been seeing as many oddities appear on my computer lately, so think it must be me... unless it's from another of the recent kernel fixes which I had installed last night, presumably to deal with that kernel vulnerability?

Edited for an 'l' key I evidently didn't hit hard enough - neatly maintaining my Typo Queen title for another year.

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3 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

@JtC

Lol! Indeed! Except, isn't there supposed to be a part up front to go over his mouth?

Edited for my standard letter-typo.

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1 user has voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Amanda Matthews's picture

heartbeat.

EDIT: eith/with
EDIT: EFIT/EDIT

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14 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

Lookout's picture

Oprah...a great neoliberal capitalist
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/may/09/oprah-winfrey-neoli...

...and once this movie is released she would be toast -
Oprah obama.jpg

May as well laugh...cause it's all a joke.

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14 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

SnappleBC's picture

Surely if they keep selling us identity politics we'll start buying it. Who needs food on their table or a roof over their head?

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22 users have voted.

A lot of wanderers in the U.S. political desert recognize that all the duopoly has to offer is a choice of mirages. Come, let us trudge towards empty expanse of sand #1, littered with the bleached bones of Deaniacs and Hope and Changers.
-- lotlizard

Eagles92's picture

Went to a Moth event last night. The topic was "ambition." One of the ten competitors was a women's studies professor whose talk (loosely paraphrased) focused on the intersection of feminism and ambition. She actually said "Oprah 2020" no less than three times. In five minutes. People (to their credit, not all people) actually cheered.

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divineorder's picture

Bed in the early morning. Generally she is subdued due to all the fail in the news.

This morning she was all LHAO about this essay. Good one.l

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6 users have voted.

A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

Raggedy Ann's picture

to every celebrity that wants to be the all powerful. Is Jeff Bezos next? Our masters of the universe are here for us to behold and be beholding to! Jump on board! Our lives matter none to these people but that's nothing new.

Until the people rise up and create a revolution that changes everything, just sit back, get the popcorn, and hope that YOU are not affected by their quest for power - by their quest to rule the world.

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14 users have voted.

"They'll say we're disturbing the peace, but there is no peace. What really bothers them is that we are disturbing the war." Howard Zinn

@Raggedy Ann

Hey, they all know how to hold a pen, right? As long the surveillance state has something nasty to hold over them, as far as those issuing policy orders are concerned, "what difference does it really make, at this point?"

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5 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Pluto's Republic's picture

@Raggedy Ann

Until the people rise up and create a revolution that changes everything, just sit back, get the popcorn, and hope that YOU are not affected by their quest....

Now we have to go through the Hunger Games stage of their evolution.

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PennBrian's picture

Kamala Harris is already under the bus?

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9 users have voted.
Eagles92's picture

@PennBrian

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dervish's picture

@PennBrian and keep us guessing. The 2020 anointed one (anointed by the oligarchs, not us) could be any of several possibilities, and we have to be on guard against all of them.

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7 users have voted.

"Obama promised transparency, but Assange is the one who brought it."

@PennBrian

At least she's not under my bed. I'm still saving that space for a cute male Russian spy...

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1 user has voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Benny's picture

Erica Garner.

https://twitter.com/democracynow/status/950548930273607680

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9 users have voted.

One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.--Tennyson

Interestingly, according to information in this 2013 video following, certainly over at least the past several years, Oprah has apparently been attending a number of meetings together with other (Bilderberg-attending, although I don't recall catching her name as attending that particular annual meeting, which would have been up to 2013 only)) billionaire industrialists and others in that 'price range', such as Bill Gates, royalty and major politicians, including those who, in the past, have been favoured as Presidential candidates, several familiar names among which have won the Presidency; although attendee Jeb Bush was initially favoured for the Republican Presidential nomination last time by Wall St. and this group, he, unlike Obama and some others, was, of course, not successful in his Presidential run and Hillary wound up with most of the Republican big donors (as well as the general Wall Street approval published at the time) and pre-payment. But it does sound as though 'the approved new Presidents' get to attend such meetings, probably to understand the requirements of the job they've been/are being vetted for.

One topic it seems that at least one of a number of (so far as I recall hearing, non-Bilderberg) meetings which Oprah was known to have attended, in company with what sounds like the usual Bilderberg crowd, seems to have been regarding population reduction strategies, although such meetings are generally held in secrecy. Funny that the Repubs are so eager to fulfill their donor's bidding by shutting down contraception and abortion, while said donors are intent on population reduction, eugenics and the like, isn't it?

Oprah's name comes up a number of times in lists of attendees about 20-25 minutes into the video; have only got about that far into it myself so far; too tired to concentrate, apart from being sidetracked a lot. But thought I'd mention this here, in case anyone's interested. Going to have to finish watching this tomorrow, myself, I think, and am eager to hear what Those Who Know here think of this video, which they've likely seen before, after a refresher on its contents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYhWlgACP2c

Beyond Bilderberg
corbettreport

Published on 31 May 2013

SHOW NOTES AND MP3: http://www.corbettreport.com/?p=7435

The alt media has done a remarkable job of raising awareness of the Bilderberg meetings in the last few years. Now, as this year's conference gets set to kick off in Watford, UK, this year's protest is shaping up to be the largest one yet. But as hopeful as this growing Bilderberg awareness is, there is always the question: what other meetings, conferences and groups are flying under the radar while the alt media is fixated on the Bilderbergers? Join us this week on The Corbett Report as we explore what lies beyond Bilderberg.

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2 users have voted.

Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

hecate's picture

stopped having real lives when they started staring at a tube five or more hours per day. It is natural that they would come to select their presidential candidates from characters who perform in the tubes.

The next crew lost their lives to video games. Their candidates will come from Call Of Duty and Grand Theft Auto.

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4 users have voted.
janis b's picture

@hecate

I very recently heard Nina Freeman speaking about her video game designs.

Although I have never indulged in video games, I can imagine how powerful they are on developing minds, and how responsible for lost innocence.

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hecate's picture

@janis b
like the video games where they can kill. They are sick puppies.

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QMS's picture

@hecate want a gilligan or ginger, but they get thurston howell III instead. Lost on an island without a lifeboat.

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