Time to break out your teeniest, tiniest violin

Not all cybercriminals are equal.
Some of them are really smart, and some of those smart guys join up with the mafia.

This essay is not about them.

The cybercriminals I want to tell you about are really lazy and not all that smart.
The guys I want to talk about never bothered to learn how to write their own code. These lazy motherf*ckers who want to steal money from vulnerable people, aren't smart enough to figure out that when they encounter REAL criminals like the mafia, that those hard-core criminals might want to take advantage of them.
Every once in a while you read a story about a group of people that you simply can't bring yourself to shed a tear for.
This is their story.

REvil is one of the most notorious and most common forms of ransomware around and has been responsible for several major incidents. The group behind REvil lease their ransomware out to other crooks in exchange for a cut of the profits these affiliates make by extorting Bitcoin payments in exchange for the ransomware decryption keys that the victims need.

OK. The first warning here is "lease their ransonware".
I personally don't know how one would "lease" a piece of illegal software, but I'm certain that I wouldn't do it. And why would you? There's plenty of code out there for ransonware that you could customize...if you knew how to code.
Obviously anyone using this "service" doesn't know how to code.

But it seems that cut isn't enough for those behind REvil: it was recently disclosed that there's a secret backdoor coded into their product, which allows REvil to restore the encrypted files without the involvement of the affiliate.

This could allow REvil to takeover negotiations with victims, hijack the so-called "customer support" chats – and steal the ransom payments for themselves.

Whhaaaatttt? Is there no honor amongst thieves?
Who could have guessed that professional thieves would steal from lazy, stupid, amateur thieves?
It seems that REvil can hijack chats with victims, cut off discussions, in order to collect full shares of the ransom for themselves, and even decrypt the victims files.
This is where the article gets funny.

One forum user claimed to have had suspicions of REvil's tactics, and said their own plans to extort $7 million from a victim was abruptly ended. They believe that one of the REvil authors took over the negotiations using the backdoor and made off with the money.

Another user on the Russian-speaking forum complained they were tired of "lousy partner programs" used by ransomware groups "you cannot trust", but also suggested that the status of REvil as one of the most lucrative ransomware-as-a-service schemes means that wannabe ransomware crooks will still flock to become affiliates.

Excuse me while I shed a tear from my one good eye. There's nothing like a lazy, stupid crook complaining in public how they've been taken advantage of by a better criminal.
Oh, wait. There is one thing that's even better.

One threat actor on XSS said that “the Devil himself will not be able to figure out” arbitration cases against REvil since the matter has gotten too complicated—and that arbitration might be prohibited anyway because some forums have purportedly instituted a ransomware ban.

Arbitration?!? LOL! Are you going to hire lawyers? ROTFL!

13 users have voted.


The Liberal Moonbat's picture

...when "dumb criminal story" compendiums were one of the regular features of bookstore Humor-sections; I used to really enjoy those.

I wonder if they still make those...and would it feel the same, given how the law enforcer apparatus has since become more trouble than it's worth?

8 users have voted.

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is declared mentally ill for describing colors.

Yes Virginia, there is a Global Banking Conspiracy!

CB's picture

would pull off.

7 users have voted.
shaharazade's picture

is beyond my comprehension or hopefully nothing I need to get my knickers in a twist about. Man I just keep as low a profile as possible as far as the net goes these days. I have a crazy bitcoin young'un ex 'friend' who frankly was also politically nuts. Actually a drug dealing hardcore libertarian. My best friends nephew.

All this nasty crap online is irritating. Laying low seems to be the best option. Same with politics these dark days. Let them rip cause nothing at all will stop it. Take it for what it is a real shit show in every way. Good to read you again. Your one of my all time favorite posters.

8 users have voted.
The Liberal Moonbat's picture

@shaharazade Remember: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."

"Never/always"; "everything/nothing"; "we all/none of us"....you hear these and more like them a lot these days, but you have got to keep in mind that, casual remarks notwithstanding (and those are understood to be hyperbole anyway), these are seldom, if ever, found within the lexicon of Reason.

3 users have voted.

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is declared mentally ill for describing colors.

Yes Virginia, there is a Global Banking Conspiracy!