Be my therapists - on and off I get the advice to seek one -

and 'get some help'. I still haven't figured out with what I need help with, but open-minded as I am, (ahem), here I go. (Anyhow, I would say at 71 years of age I am a tough case with regards to therapy)

Ok, here my quiz question for your personal qualification as my future therapist:

1. You are a granddaddy now. Let's say your own melanine level has been determined by your European/Russian anchestry. You love your daughters, whose melanin level is round about the same shade of white than your own.

2. But one of darling daughters happened to make a baby with someone, who has the melanine level that is 'real brown leaning to the black side'.

3. And the other darling daughter happened to make a baby with someone, who has the melenine level, which is not 'the real brown' leaning to the black side, yet still more brown-ish than your own.

4. You are left with two grandkids, both are slightly off the melanine level of yourself, the one grandkid a lot more off than the other grandkid.

5. The father of the not so brown, but still not white enough grandkid, felt a pity with the real brown father of the more brown grandkid, and offered himeself as a 'mediator' between you - the white/European/Russian grandfather - and the too brown father of the too brownish grandkid.

6. The father of the too brownish grandkid, rejected that mediatior role of the less brown father of the not white enough, but still not too brown enough, other grandkid.

7. The grandfather advised the daughter, who made the brownish grandkid, to better go to the United States and live there, as there are "more brown people over there than in Europe". The kiddo would fit in there better than here (in Germany), the grandfather elaborated.

So, who was more of a racist and who was less of a racist in this scenario?

a. The grandfather for his adivce to one of his daughters to go the US with her too brown a kid?
b. the real brown father of the darker brownish grandkid for rejecting the 'mediator' role, being too anti-white?
c. or the less brown father with the less brownish - but still not white enough - grandkid - to take advantage of being in between the real white and the real black side?
d. finally - heaven forbid - me for posting the question in this diary?

How could I be that racially challenged, you think? (I ask that myself as well.)

My son thinks I should go hiking in some beautiful nature and forget about it. Not worth thinking it through. What a lazy-butt-kiddo I have when it comes to thinking. Wink

I love him at least as much as my father loved me though.

(Sigh, I didn't get my Turkey and am not drunk with Vodka, but sober like a white dove of peace.)

I learned to cook from my mother-in-law, spicy African dishes that is. All the spice is gone, like all of them are gone.

I miss them so.

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Lookout's picture

that family approval is NOT needed nor necessary. To thine own self be true.

I'm with your son. Forget reliving the past and look to creating a rewarding future. At 71 you're likely to have another 20+ years. Make them count. Take that hike along the path of happiness and fulfillment.

We all have to chart our course. Make sure you're aiming in the right direction, and try to discharge any ancient guilt along the way.

It is never too late to shape a new personal path.

Wishing you the best!

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

mimi's picture

@Lookout
Yes 3Music 2
but here are my givings in smileys together with the thanks.

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studentofearth's picture

The person participating in non-drug therapy needs to want to change thought patterns and behaviors at some point.

The dynamics of story could maintain the same emotional impact by simply changing the issue of race to religion, nationality or tribal affiliation. Two questions come to my mind.

  • Why is it still important to you to keep the conflict current in your life and pass on to younger generations?
  • Do you have a preconceived opinion and simply want it validated?
  • Why does our opinions and thoughts matter? Our understanding of the issue is superficial. It is similar to a telephone poll where all the questions are designed to generate the narrow opinion desired by who is paying for the survey.
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    Still yourself, deep water can absorb many disturbances with minimal reaction.
    --When the opening appears release yourself.

    mimi's picture

    @studentofearth @studentofearth

    Why is it still important to you to keep the conflict current in your life and pass on to younger generations?

    That I am supposedly pass a conflict current im my life to the younger generation ? ... I think you got that wrong.
    1.) It is not a conflict current in my life at all.
    2.) I don't pass anything to the younger generation.
    3.) I posted this story to find out why readers react that irritated to the simple question.

    How did you come to your conclusion?

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    studentofearth's picture

    @studentofearth . this information is where I primarily drew my conclusions.

    Why do you believe that it is important to me?
    Your words.

    Be my therapists on and off I get the advice to seek one - and 'get some help. I still haven't figured out with what I need help with,

    1.) It is not a conflict current in my life at all.
    Mentioned a current concern.

    How could I be that racially challenged, you think? (I ask that myself as well.)

    2.) I don't pass anything to the younger generation.
    Appears communicated similar concerns to a younger generation.

    My son thinks I should go hiking in some beautiful nature and forget about it.

    3.) I posted this story to find out why readers react that irritated to the simple question.

      Not irritated, was simply trying to provide the help you appeared to request.

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    Still yourself, deep water can absorb many disturbances with minimal reaction.
    --When the opening appears release yourself.

    mimi's picture

    @studentofearth
    and was not clear enough in me wording. See my answer to apenutimate for clarification.

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    I am a bit confused (sorry, this being the internet . . . things are not always obvious).

    Are you the granddaddy, or the granddaddy's spouse/partner? For the below, I'm assuming you are the spouse/partner.

    1. The darker daddy is not racist in any way, and is in the right to be pissed off because he is dealing with racists, basically--someone telling him to uproot his and his family's life and move somewhere else far away only because of skin color. The definition of racist.

    A lot of question come from that--1) has something happened that warrants this racist advice from granddaddy (for example, threats against the darker family or kids)? Or, did this just come out of nowhere for no reason? 2) Does the granddaddy not want that darker family around at all, in which case, that's really telling. In that second case, studentofearth's advice definitely applies, but to the granddaddy. He has preconceived notions that need to change (in my opinion).

    2. You yourself say in your post that "How could I be that racially challenged, you think? (I ask that myself as well.)" So, you're essentially acknowledging yourself as a racist (I think). I'm not sure if you agree with granddaddy or not. Although you don't explicitly say anything racist in your post, some of your language hints at compensation for racism (why bring up African dishes at all, for example? Seems similar to a common method of excuse from white people "It's okay, I have black friends/like black food!" Why call yourself a "white dove of peace"? Both have racial overtones in such a conversation.)

    But, whatever your reaction has been to the parties involved in this situation, you are always passing things down to your kids, and there is obviously a conflict in your life--because you literally just posted about it! Now, you might not be a party to this conflict (you don't really say), but how you react will be passed down to your kids. Supporting granddaddy will definitely pass negative things down. Supporting darker family will pass more positive things down. Staying neutral might be negative to the darker family as well, as they will not rely on you to support them.

    3) Somebody needs to hear the questions that studentofearth posed. I suspect it is granddaddy and not you, but he caused the kerfuffle for some reason, and his reaction was racist--even if it was well intentioned! For example, he might be thinking to himself (or stating out loud)--maybe it would be safer for you in America! or easier to find a job! or whatever. Still doesn't make it less racist, because it's all based on skin color (and honestly, black and brown people die quite often in America--I doubt there is any more safety here.

    I'm white as hell, by the by . . .

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    mimi's picture

    I was the spouse of the dark-skinned daddy from Africa.
    My son is the darker-skinned kid.
    My father was a German and the grand-daddy of my son and the father-in-law of the dark-skinned daddy.
    My sister is as white as me and as my father and mother.
    My sister's husand was the less dark, but not a really white enough daddy, from Goa in India, having Indian and Portuguese anchestor.
    My sister's daughter (my niece, and my son's cousine) was the less dark kid, but not a totally white kid as well.

    Is that precise enough? Does that help?

    Everybody involved in this is dead by now except my son and my sister.

    I have my own answers to my questions, didn't talk about them aside with my son, because he knew the whole shebang anyhow since he was a kid and he is now an adult man going towards his late forties. You don't tell me something new that one always passes ones own problems to the kids.

    I put the question on the table, as I realized my answers often don't match those, who were friends, acquaintances or extended family members. Most of them didn't know the story anyhow or only vaguely.

    So I started to wonder why that is, that almost nobody could of wanted to answer the questions I posted in the diary. Actually I have never asked the question in real life.

    But sometimes I got answers or comments about it, nevertheless.

    I wanted to take a poll about it from the readers of C99p.

    PS: I mention the African dishes because I miss cooking them for myself, my now deceased former husband and my son. Somehow the ingredients I can get in Germany are not the same I used in the US. And I said - trying to use sarcasm - that I am white like dove of peace, because often I was told that I have a racist undertone in my comments as seems to be the usual assumptions for non-Germans to have about the 'good German'.

    PS2: My dark skinned husband didn't go the US, because he was pissed off, but because he got a good job offer there, didn't get any good ones in Germany, so he didn't want to take a job in Germany and didn't want to take a job in his African home country as well, as his family and friends over there in the shithole country of his birth, are not loyal when it comes jobs. Intrigues and jealousies were and still are abundant.

    PS3: When I stuck to my man, so to speak, and accompanied my husband to the US I sacrificed my profeesional development/career in Germany. I knew that, and I was judged as being 'stockholm-syndromed' because of that.

    I guess I covered it all now. I don't know how to talk about racism without using racist words.

    Peace.

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    @mimi

    Sorry, I didn't know your background (even though I've seen you plenty around here)--and my interpretation of your post was an entire generation displaced (as I said, internet posts are not always the best ways of communicating intricate ideas). Yeah, sometimes sarcasm doesn't come across well.

    All the information you gave changes things dramatically, so feel free to discard my commentary--especially as it pertains to yourself. I was making an assumption that you were married to your father by the way you stated things initially!!! Lol. I hope you don't hold that against me! My reading skills could be better.

    Maybe my comments about your father still hold true, but really, I guess it doesn't matter at this point. I think Lookout had the correct interpretation in his initial reply. Shit happened, it's in the past, most of the folks are gone--live your life the way you want to live it and be happy!

    Take care, Mimi!

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    mimi's picture

    @apenultimate

    I was making an assumption that you were married to your father by the way you stated things initially!!! Lol. I hope you don't hold that against me! My reading skills could be better.

    My writing skills could be better too. Smile

    Anyway, this was a personal story and therefore not of general interest. Just a story, I thought, could illustrate somehow that any story that is race-based is difficult to judge and talk about.

    Peace.

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