A Response to the Stages of Grief Garbage

This post was prompted by the latest meme doing the rounds - you know, the patronizing, condescending one about giving Sander's supporters their space to grieve - to get over their loss and all that other BS. Anyway, I am not grieving, am not at any stage of the process. To be honest I am ecstatic and here is why.

Sanders is doing way better than I thought he would be at this stage. I thought that it would be a done deal by Super Tuesday - not due to any weakness in the candidate but because everything, literally everything, was stacked against him. The fact that he is still in with a shout is stunning.

While the above is reason enough not to be downcast it is not the main reason not by a very long shot. The reason that I am happy with events is that Sander's candidacy is a part of a much larger process that is currently underway, much larger than whether neolibcons A or neolibcons B get to squat in the Whitehouse for the next four years.

This larger process is made up of seemingly disparate groups who want superficially different things but they all share a common underlying theme. As you may have worked out by now, I'm referring to movements such as Occupy Wall Street, Black Lives Matters, parts of Anonymous and now the Sanders campaign. Though the aims are different the engine, the driving force is the same - injustice, a deeply held belief that society has become fundamentally unfair. Blacks are more likely to be imprisoned than whites, both are more likely to feel the wrath of the law than the rich.

Prior to September 2011 things were pretty bleak - the US was heading towards ultra capitalism (now called Neoliberalism) at breakneck speed with seemingly no opposition from either inside, or outside of the existing political system. Then Zucotti Park happened and everything that led from it. The actions themselves may have done little to change the existing power structured but, to my mind, they achieved something far more consequential - they showed those of us that felt that the system was fundamentally unfair that others not only felt the way we did but were prepared to risk their own safety and comfort to make their voices heard. It is worth noting that OWS was inspired by the 15-M anti-austerity movement out of Spain. This showed that some US residents were paying attention to others in the world who were fighting the system.

Black Lives Matter were also prepared to come out and do whatever it took to make their voices heard. Not only did they make their voices heard right around the world but their actions led to concrete change. Just in the last week or so the police in Colorado are tightening up their hiring policy , the police that stood by while a man sucker punched a protester at a Trump rally are being disciplined, and one of Chicago's most powerful political figures, Anita Alvarez was unceremoniously dumped from office. A movement that started as a reaction to yet another murder of a black youth by a racist cop was now directly impacting the halls of power of a major city. None of this would have happened prior to BLM.

Now to this election. Prior to this primary season the Democratic wing of the Establishment made one huge mistake, they attempted to clear the field, and deliberately shrink the bench, for one of their own -Clinton. If they hadn't done this the other contenders would likely have cancelled each other out and she would have had a clear run without the non Establishment wing of the party and much of the country rising up against her.

As it was Bernie came to represent everyone that was not comfortable with the status quo. Those of us who were outraged and offended by what the Establishment was doing to us now had someone, on our side, who was a serious contender for the top job in the country. Others in previous cycles had tried to convince us that they were concerned with the fate of the average person We've had the ambulance chaser who suddenly,out of nowhere, wanted to correct the 'Two Americas' problem and the guy who sounded progressive on first hearing but a whole lot less progressive once his words were deconstructed but we knew deep down that these, and others like them, were using us - that after securing our vote they were not going to make change for our benefit. Sanders, on the other hand, had decades of doing and attempting to do exactly what he was promising to do in the future. He was authentic.

Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go on all fronts, US police forces need rebuilding from the ground up to lose their structural racism, structural sense of superiority to those they are meant to serve and protect, and their seeming inability to apply the same rules of conduct to themselves as they do to us. We need a thousand Bernie Sanders in Washington and at all levels of the political system in all parts of the country. As for Wall Street and everything it represents - of course that needs to be completely reformed.

Now though, at least we know that there are thousands if not millions who feel the way that we do and we know that we are prepared to do whatever it takes to get things back on track. We also know, and here is the crux of the whole thing, that Sanders election bid is not something that is happening in splendid isolation but rather one part of a much bigger process. If Bernie happens to become the next POTUS great but even if he doesn't other movements will form and the work will continue.

So, to those Clinton supporters who insist on running with the stages of grief thing note this: I could not be happier because now I know that we will win this war. Even if Bernie doesn't win this battle.. We will keep coming at you, both inside and outside of the system, until we do.

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gulfgal98's picture

Perhaps it is because of my background in planning that I tend to look at most things in terms of long term consequences. This is exactly why Bernie must continue to travel and speak around the country as long as he can, ideally through the entire primary season. We are in this fight long after the 2016 elections. We are committed to taking back our government from the oligarchs and it is not going to be easy or happen overnight.

Those who see this only as a sporting event with team blue versus team red cannot conceive why Bernie supporters do not fold their tents and go home. They have adopted the false narrative promoted by the establishment. The establishment will promote whatever benefits the establishment and as George Carlin so aptly stated "we ain't in that club."

This is a great essay that captures my thoughts about the Sanders campaign very well. Good

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Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy

stevej's picture

I cut out a chunk about the whole sports analogy/winner takes all thing - mainly for the sake of length.

I also try to think long term and look for overarching trends as opposed to the outrage of the day.

Even after the results came in last Tuesday I felt fine about Sanders campaign and then got to wondering why that was. I concluded that it was the fact that the big picture remained largely unchanged.

O\T I Haven't forgotten about the police/press/strongman(Trump) essay and your kind offer - that one will actually have links Smile
Looking forward to seeing your approach

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

you can just look at the 2012 National League playoffs.

The San Francisco Giants lost the first two games of the divisional series at home, and had to go to Cincinnati to play in a ballpark where the Reds had not lost 3 in a row all season. With a little bit of luck in Game 3 (an error that allowed the eventual winning run to score) and other things falling into place, they came back to win the series 3-2. Then in the championship series, they were down 3 games to 1 to the St. Louis Cardinals, and won 3 in a row to win that series as well. Finally, facing a Detroit Tigers team that had the most dominating starting pitching staff that was well rested after sweeping the Yankees, the Giants turned around and swept them in 4 games to win the World Series.

It's not over until Bernie Sanders says it is -- and even then it's not over as people are now awake and aware of what's really going on.

As Gandalf said in LOTR, "The Ents are going to wake up and find that they are strong." And so are the American people.

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stevej's picture

The inevitability zombie is a tenacious one.

It's not over until Bernie Sanders says it is -- and even then it's not over as people are now awake and aware of what's really going on.
As Gandalf said in LOTR, "The Ents are going to wake up and find that they are strong." And so are the American people.

That says what I wanted to say only better and with far fewer words!

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

TheOtherMaven's picture

asking the game to be called after the first down, then after the first quarter, and now at half time.

No way Jose. It ain't over till it's over.

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There is no justice. There can be no peace.

stevej's picture

and even when the particular game is over their is still a championship to be fought for.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

is that the outcome of a sporting event doesn't change to accommodate the changing opinions of the spectators.

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The earth is a multibillion-year-old sphere.
The Nazis killed millions of Jews.
On 9/11/01 a Boeing 757 (AA77) flew into the Pentagon.
AGCC is happening.
If you cannot accept these facts, I cannot fake an interest in any of your opinions.

So in addition to being patronizing, failing as a metaphor, and just plain inaccurate, it also calls to a failed social science/psychology meme. Kubler-Ross and a number of academics were pretty cynical in their avowed intent, to create the "grief industry". Lots of folks bought into it. Lots of grieving families were made to feel "wrong" for not fitting into the pigeon holes. Not surprising that many of the Clinton supporters are still embracing such nonsense. Many (of course, not all) seem to be locked into 90's cliches in lots of areas.

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Shaylors Provence

stevej's picture

I was debating whether to use the stages of grief frame or not - the only reason that I did was for topicality. IMO it is complete crap on all levels from political disappointment to the loss of a loved one and back again. To the Clinton supporters who use it it is just another tactic - there is no morality or ethical depth to any of it.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

on the "stages of grief" when I went to a seminar shortly after my mom died. The stages are not linear -- one can easily switch from bargaining back to anger then into depression, and even when reaching acceptance. And one thing they said has stuck with me: "it takes as long as it takes". People grieve in different ways -- for some, there might be more a relief in the midst of the grief especially if the dying process has been a long one; you're just glad it's over. It's why some people, after losing a spouse or romantic partner, might be ready to resume a "dating" lifestyle not long after their lover's death -- they've already gone through that "pre-grief" process. They shouldn't be judged for that -- everyone is different when it comes to facing the death of another.

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stevej's picture

even years after acceptance was the normal state. I am deeply opposed to judging others for how they deal with grief.

My own mother was terminally ill for a couple of years and in a lot of pain and when she died the feeling among all of her offspring and husband was one of relief. We had all dealt in our own ways before the end came.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

SnappleBC's picture

That from their standpoint grief would make sense. As near as I can tell it's an entirely short-term, tribal identity sort of viewpoint. So in their minds, "our candidate failed to win this election" and that's as far as it goes.

Much as i'd prefer to win the oval office, I see it much like you. I think there's a storm out over the ocean and the waves are lapping at the breakwater... each getting higher and higher. This wave almost made it over the top. The next will be larger... as will the one after that. Even if Bernie wins, that's hardly the end of anything. There are decades of work to do here.

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A lot of wanderers in the U.S. political desert recognize that all the duopoly has to offer is a choice of mirages. Come, let us trudge towards empty expanse of sand #1, littered with the bleached bones of Deaniacs and Hope and Changers.
-- lotlizard

stevej's picture

this reply below was meant for you -still getting used to things Smile

Good point - it could be nothing more than unwitting projection. Maybe my earlier comments were too cynical

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

SnappleBC's picture

It's a genuine concern and wanting to mend fences. It's also worth remembering that Bernie supporters cover a wide range all the way from "Both candidates are great but I favor Bernie" to #BernieOrBust. Fence mending can certainly be successful with those who don't see much difference between the two candidates.

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A lot of wanderers in the U.S. political desert recognize that all the duopoly has to offer is a choice of mirages. Come, let us trudge towards empty expanse of sand #1, littered with the bleached bones of Deaniacs and Hope and Changers.
-- lotlizard

stevej's picture

I fully accept that I am coming at this from a position of someone who is very jaded with the current political process.

Slightly O/T Whenever someone brings up the not much difference thing and add that their voting records are 93% identical my mind goes straight to the fact that human and chimpanzee DNA only differs by a couple of percentage points if that. In other words a lot can be accounted for by that difference.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

Have struggled with understanding the "we have two great candidates" thing. DNA analogy is brilliant.

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Shaylors Provence

stevej's picture

Its an easy and way to kill any argument where people talk in percentages of sameness- which they inevitably do to obsfucate.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

telebob's picture

Although, to be fair, some sub-species of birds may vary in morphology by only the color of a few feathers, yet carry DNA that differs by more than 7%.

Of course, the interesting stuff is always found when we examine the small percentage of difference. What do those 7% of votes represent? They represent fundamental differences of philosophy and approach to war, policing, economics, environment. Looking at it this way shows that the divergence is real and profound, and any perceived "sameness" fades away.

I do grieve a little bit, though. We are so far down the rabbit hole, and have urgent and important struggles on so many fronts, that we will lose many more battles before we can win enough to really change course. And every one of those battles has real human and ecosystem costs, win or lose. So I grieve for the lost potential, the wasted lives, and the senseless tribal bickering when only cooperation can help us now.

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If you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind. -R. Hunter/J. Garcia

stevej's picture

and my degree is environmental biology so no excuses - that will make for some interesting reading later.

I find that a science background with its essential skepticism is a very handy thing when dealing with political doublespeak - especially when they start throwing numbers around.

The problem with the battles is that we have to win many for the smallest change whole the money/power side only has to win the occasional one to keep ahead. This is how they've rigged the system.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

They want our votes.

I mean ... they have complete contempt for us and our values and opinions, but they still want our votes.

That's the entirety of the dynamic. They despise us, but they must make nice to our dimwitted selves, because we wield a small amount of power, power we certainly do not deserve, and are too foolish to wield wisely, but that we wield nonetheless.

So they need to make us feel better. Just like an abusive spouse needs to explain to the simpleton victim that the abuse was for the victim's own good.

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The earth is a multibillion-year-old sphere.
The Nazis killed millions of Jews.
On 9/11/01 a Boeing 757 (AA77) flew into the Pentagon.
AGCC is happening.
If you cannot accept these facts, I cannot fake an interest in any of your opinions.

stevej's picture

Good point - it could be nothing more than unwitting projection. Maybe my earlier comments were too cynical.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

MarilynW's picture

It's not the end of the Sander's revolution. It's not going to end.

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To thine own self be true.

stevej's picture

The revolution is going ahead - I really do think that a large enough critical mass of people have already decided that much at least.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

Lady Libertine's picture

going through any kind of grief process presumes a loss, a tragic, god-forsaken, deep in your gut loss of something that can never be re-found or replaced. Im sure we all know those feelings, sadly.

This election campaign is not that, at least not for me or us. IN fact, we've made great gains.

Define "winning"... been sayin that for months.

Well said, steve (and also Snapple!)

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stevej's picture

Reply below is meant for you - apologies:

Thanks LL
We are much further ahead in the big picture struggle than I thought possible at this stage. The momentum is definitely with us now.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

stevej's picture

We are much further ahead in the big picture struggle than I thought possible at this stage. The momentum is definitely with us now.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

TheOtherMaven's picture

Reminds me too much of CJ Cherryh's Chanur's Legacy, where we find out once and for all that the mahendo'sat are Ugly Americans in fur suits. There was reason to suspect as much in the earlier Chanur novels, but she as good as spelled it out in that one. (This is worth a diary, some time when there's not so much political activity going on.)

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There is no justice. There can be no peace.

SnappleBC's picture

"Momentum" isn't something you have. It's something you make. Whether or not Bernie wins, the end of this election will be a critical testing point for the revolution. We will either lose focus and go back to sleep or we'll take all the tools we've developed, organizations and social networks we've created, and anger/excitement we have and start applying it to getting folks into the local Democratic committees and local offices.

This is something I miss being an expat. Sure, I have done well to protect me and mine. But I can no longer do "boots on the ground" work and as I learn more about how the system actually works that's what is necessary.

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A lot of wanderers in the U.S. political desert recognize that all the duopoly has to offer is a choice of mirages. Come, let us trudge towards empty expanse of sand #1, littered with the bleached bones of Deaniacs and Hope and Changers.
-- lotlizard

stevej's picture

I am optimistic insomuch as I don't think that people will go back to sleep. I think that a critical mass now exists that will stop that happening.
I think that Sanders campaign wouldn't have happened without the precursors - especially OWS. Prior to 2011 the huge disparity between the richest and the rest of us just wasn't being discussed within the mainstream. OWS prepared the ground for Bernie by making this concept a part of the common currency and he in turn is further preparing the ground for whatever comes next, even if he loses.

As far as momentum goes, it scales: A candidate wins a primary and that may provide a small irrelevant bump but once people's minds are opened to the bigger picture these things tend to take on a life of their own - and then comes the point where that momentum can be tapped into.

I have only lived in the US for fourteen years and I've seen a big change in many people's attitudes over the last half a decade. Up until now those changes have been largely below the radar but not for much longer I hope.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

stevej's picture

below to SnappleBC gives a thought on momentum.

I have just come back from reading the wiki entry on Chanur's Legacy and now I want to read the whole series. I read a lot of science fiction but haven't tried these yet. I have a massive soft spot for space opera of any description.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

mjsmeme's picture

is due to having to put up with their misguided, uninspiring, lack-of-vision ways of seeing the world.

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stevej's picture

on that score.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

gendjinn's picture

"We've had the ambulance chaser who suddenly,out of nowhere, wanted to correct the 'Two Americas' problem"

Please read up on Edwards history. He didn't "suddenly" or "out of nowhere" adopt that perspective, that was truly what he believed. I lived in NC when he won in 98.

Yes, he discredited and ruined himself by running in '08 with the scandals in the closet. In '04 none of those obtained nor were they inevitable.

Sanders is much, much better than Edwards and Edwards was much better than Kerry, as Bradley was much better than Gore. It seems ZOMG MCGOVERN means Dems are ok losing with neoliberals forever.

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stevej's picture

I should have used a different example. To be honest I was expecting to get called out for the Obama sketch not the Edwards one.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

gendjinn's picture

As I said, great diary.

You have raised an interesting point about how some on the Clinton wing are dismissing and delegitimizing Sanders supporters by this. DK certainly is interesting right now and although DK is a tiny, tiny number of people out of the population, it does remind me of conversations I've been having with Dems since '92.

My favourite one from the weekend is that holding Clinton responsible for her AUMF vote is a banned statement from the "Smear Era" that ended with the Ides of March. Which, fantastic PR there Markos, was up there with calling the invasion Operation Iraq Liberation before switching to Freedom. I bet he thought he was being really, really clever tying into the murder of the dictator Caesar. Obviously he didn't read the next act where Marc Anthony gets to speak.

Boy am I looking forward to the convention. Sanders is senator for life if he wants it. At 74 if there was anything material in life he wanted he would have gotten it. The Democratic party has literally nothing they can use to constrain his speech. He could choose to support Clinton enthusiastically and praise her good points. Or he could call her out as at best a very poor ally, but for which we must hold our noses, only to continue the fight to defeat the neoliberals, DWS, DNC, etc starting today.

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stevej's picture

From a purely detached point of view this is the most interesting election in my lifetime. Both conventions could be spectacular (if that is the right word).

Sanders really is the Dem establishments, or any establishment for that matter, worse nightmare because he cannot be compromised or bought off.

As for the motivations over at Dkos either we are missing a large and important piece of the puzzle or Markos is attempting to blow up his own site for a bet or something - maybe he wants to give nihilism a shot as he's tried just about every other political philosophy out there. At this point the potential conspiracy theories write themselves.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

gendjinn's picture

Who knows what Markos' motivations are? There's got to be some explanation for his reversal since '08, especially wrt AUMF vote. Given he and DK certainly were a rallying point in Obama's victory in '08. It's natural that the Clintons would seek to woo or sideline them. Look at how they cleared the entire field for her run.

It could be as simple as not seeing Sanders coming and signing on with Clinton thinking she was inevitable too early.

Who knows. And after taking a look at the list of candidate's he's endorsed and those few who have won, maybe he's decided that progressives cannot win only centrists. Or it could be the think tank he's in.

Whatever. I'm about getting progressives empowered and elected.

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stevej's picture

it could be any or all of the above. One day we may get to know the answer. I must admit that I am curious but more on a human nature level than a political one.

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

detroitmechworks's picture

Doesn't mean that the big guy who you just dumped a drink on is mourning his dead kitten.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

stevej's picture

done that I wouldn't hand around to find out Smile
(Reply to DMW)

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“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire