Shiver Me Timbers
Metoo is fine as far as it goes, but it doesn't truly "get down/to what is really wrong," as Van Morrison would say. Which is that boys just don't know how to behave. At all.
I'm not talking here about actual criminal animals like The Hairball or The Clenis or Burnt Kadaver, who will physically hurl their bulbous blubbery forms on women who don't want them. But instead the general mooncalf run-of-the-mill boy, who likes a woman, who doesn't like him back, but refuses to accept that Reality, even when it is delivered in skywriting.
A problem of the women is that boys don't know how to take "no" for an answer. Women must needs develop and deploy a thousand and one ways to signal and say I'm just not into you, but the boys so often remain inert, thick as a brick, failing to get the message. Even when a woman goes to Defcon 1, and shouts "NO! GO AWAY!" straight into a boy face, too often the boy decides this declaration is operative only in that moment, and so he is free to press again his unwanted suit, come dawn the next morn.
Remember how in the true-life non-fiction tome Catch-22 Yossarian is informed that pain is necessary as a warning of bodily dangers? And Yossarian asserts a better system than pain could surely be devised, and so suggests a series of red and blue neon tubes in the middle of the forehead, that would communicate when Wrongnesses and Dangers are assailing the body?
Did you know that Yossarian was supposed to be Jewish? Except Joseph Heller was told that if he did that, no one would read the book, because of the rabid foaming Hebrew hate that flows across all lands at all times for No Reason? Well, it's true. And that's how Yossarian, became Assyrian.
In any event, if Yossarian had been Jewish, the book would then no longer have been true-life, because the Americans in WWII didn't really want to be having a lot of Hebrews in their armed forces. One of the reasons James Jones got up and walked out of the war was because of the persistent penchant for passing over Hebrew junior officers for field positions, in favor of grunting, hooting, slobbering yeehaws expert only in the jaw-dropping ability to get all their men killed and wounded as quickly as ur-humanly possible.
Anyway, back to the boys. Who are as inexplicable as rampaging Hebrew hate. I was thinking that, similar to the Yossarian brainshower, maybe women could have a big red stoplight in the middle of the forehead, one that would flash on whenever the woman wants a boy to leave off and be gone. Because everyone knows red means stop. Even a boy.
Then again: why should women have to have a stoplight in the forehead? When the problem is the boy?
So perhaps all the women should instead come equipped with the power to induce electric shocks in the boy, just by Looking at him. When he starts to go into the electrified shake, rattle, and roll, even a boy will understand it's time to hit the road, Jack.
This would be nothing life-threatening, mind you, not like how The Hairball will snap crackle pop in the electric chair. No. More like the feeling you get when you electrify your finger changing the lightbulb in the lamp, because, being a boy, you didn't unplug the lamp first, and, being a boy, you plunged your finger into the socket. That feeling, vibrating throughout the entire body, that would do the trick, I think. Maybe.