Shiver Me Timbers

Metoo is fine as far as it goes, but it doesn't truly "get down/to what is really wrong," as Van Morrison would say. Which is that boys just don't know how to behave. At all.

I'm not talking here about actual criminal animals like The Hairball or The Clenis or Burnt Kadaver, who will physically hurl their bulbous blubbery forms on women who don't want them. But instead the general mooncalf run-of-the-mill boy, who likes a woman, who doesn't like him back, but refuses to accept that Reality, even when it is delivered in skywriting.

A problem of the women is that boys don't know how to take "no" for an answer. Women must needs develop and deploy a thousand and one ways to signal and say I'm just not into you, but the boys so often remain inert, thick as a brick, failing to get the message. Even when a woman goes to Defcon 1, and shouts "NO! GO AWAY!" straight into a boy face, too often the boy decides this declaration is operative only in that moment, and so he is free to press again his unwanted suit, come dawn the next morn.

Remember how in the true-life non-fiction tome Catch-22 Yossarian is informed that pain is necessary as a warning of bodily dangers? And Yossarian asserts a better system than pain could surely be devised, and so suggests a series of red and blue neon tubes in the middle of the forehead, that would communicate when Wrongnesses and Dangers are assailing the body?

Did you know that Yossarian was supposed to be Jewish? Except Joseph Heller was told that if he did that, no one would read the book, because of the rabid foaming Hebrew hate that flows across all lands at all times for No Reason? Well, it's true. And that's how Yossarian, became Assyrian.

In any event, if Yossarian had been Jewish, the book would then no longer have been true-life, because the Americans in WWII didn't really want to be having a lot of Hebrews in their armed forces. One of the reasons James Jones got up and walked out of the war was because of the persistent penchant for passing over Hebrew junior officers for field positions, in favor of grunting, hooting, slobbering yeehaws expert only in the jaw-dropping ability to get all their men killed and wounded as quickly as ur-humanly possible.

Anyway, back to the boys. Who are as inexplicable as rampaging Hebrew hate. I was thinking that, similar to the Yossarian brainshower, maybe women could have a big red stoplight in the middle of the forehead, one that would flash on whenever the woman wants a boy to leave off and be gone. Because everyone knows red means stop. Even a boy.

Then again: why should women have to have a stoplight in the forehead? When the problem is the boy?

So perhaps all the women should instead come equipped with the power to induce electric shocks in the boy, just by Looking at him. When he starts to go into the electrified shake, rattle, and roll, even a boy will understand it's time to hit the road, Jack.

This would be nothing life-threatening, mind you, not like how The Hairball will snap crackle pop in the electric chair. No. More like the feeling you get when you electrify your finger changing the lightbulb in the lamp, because, being a boy, you didn't unplug the lamp first, and, being a boy, you plunged your finger into the socket. That feeling, vibrating throughout the entire body, that would do the trick, I think. Maybe.

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QMS's picture

Another good read Hecate. Thanks !

iu_3.jpeg
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13 users have voted.

Question authority = civil disobedience

They'll get the message. It's the American way.

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7 users have voted.
hecate's picture

@Snode
the boy Problem is not cabined solely to the Americans.

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8 users have voted.

@hecate but in the US we have a pretty shitty culture.

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3 users have voted.
hecate's picture

@Snode
say it is not all hearts and flowers for women in, say, The Land Of Putes; others, of course, maintain that every Putes down in Putesville, is the very Pinnacle, of Perfection.

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2 users have voted.
Lookout's picture

A math man once told me as a science man we had it all wrong...men and women are NOT in the same species. He just didn't understand species are all about sex.

Many men think life is about sex. Spreading sperm far and wide did indeed lead to more genetic variation, but sadly not a wiser species. No fear, evolution will have the last word and extinction isn't too far away....for you and metoo.

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10 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

Lily O Lady's picture

@Lookout

itself around. Easy for them. Their bodies don’t become deformed forever from carrying and then squeezing a bowling ball out through an incredibly small orifice.

We’re a society that has grown to value cruelty. Just look at The Darwin Awards which ignore compassion in favor of ridicule. Compassion could go a long way to renew respect between the sexes.

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15 users have voted.

"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"

hecate's picture

@Lookout
is emerging Science that maintains that Normal marriage quickly becomes for a woman stupid and boring, because if she is confined to one penis it is like she is in a Cage.

Also around here somewhere is some Science that says when something needs to be done men are programmed to lie around and see if somebody else will do it, while women are programmed to get up and do it themselves. This in the marriages also causes Problems.

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13 users have voted.
wendy davis's picture

@hecate

author's opinion is a 'scientific study'? jayzus, she reminds me of stiletto, lipstick feminist erica jong and her 'zipless fuck' rubbish. wth, hecate? what point are you attempting to make here?

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hecate's picture

@wendy davis
reading discloses that the woman who offends you bases her work on research done by women in a field previously dominated by men. Perhaps some of those women will less offend you. In any event, I wasn't really trying to make any sort of point. Just tossing it out for informational purposes.

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1 user has voted.
wendy davis's picture

@hecate

i just don't think it's so. if you go into a 'study' looking for end results, whether done by males or females, that's what you'll find. how much alleged 'science' is junk science? a hella lot, from what i've seen over my life.

but i guess what's bothered me about this whole thread is that you paint with such a broad brush. for instance: how many 'boys' did and still do listen when a 'girl' says no? a hella lot, in my experience.

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wendy davis's picture

@hecate

and i apologize for getting hung up on your use of the 'scientific' term. here's what martin had said:

"Martin pulls no punches. Her bestselling memoir Primates of Park Avenue cast her as an anthropologist observing the habits of her Upper East Side neighbours. She claimed among other shockers that privileged stay-at-home mothers were sometimes given a financial “wife bonus” based on their domestic and social performance."

i'd thought maybe later the author might note she'd taken surveys, but no: just watched, hadn't interviewed, etc. yeah, she brought in a bit about 'neurotransmitters firing' when women experience new positions, including vibrators, but also old reported news and maybe sorta-science about women being capable of multiple orgasms, both clitoral (she hadn't mentioned vaginal as well).

i did read some reviews of the book, same stuff. but one of the reasons i'd pinged 'surveys' was that i'd reported some of the findings of the '2010 national survey of sexual health and behavior' back in the day. it was the first major survey since the kinsey report sixty years earlier, iirc.

but here's the thing:

"The survey was conducted from March to May of 2009 by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, Alfred Kinsey’s alma mater, and home to his study. The interviews were conducted in person, and included 5,865 participants from ages 14 to 94."

some surprising results, to say the least, but i can't remember if that was where i'd read that women reach their sexual peaks later in life than men do...or not. but that would be by survey as well, not just 'anthropological observations' of park avenue elites.

imo, of course.

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zoebear's picture

Fun video. Enjoyed the A Capella.

I once had a boss who kept a picture of his buxom fiancé wearing a transparently tight T-Shirt hanging on the wall of his office that he would replace with something a little less revealing whenever said fiancé would come into the office.

Gave that impending marriage 5 years tops at the time. It lasted three.

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14 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

hecate's picture

@zoebear
man is probably today in the Congress, or maybe on a Court.

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11 users have voted.
Lily O Lady's picture

@hecate

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8 users have voted.

"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"

hecate's picture

@Lily O Lady
in Hollywood. Or on a newspaper. Or pumping gas in Icepick, Idaho.

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9 users have voted.
Not Henry Kissinger's picture

Got your sexist rant out the way for the day?

Girls good/boys bad.

Yep, no stereotyping there.

I especially like that you target children with your eugenic theories.

Makes it all seem so determinative.

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6 users have voted.

The drama of the deep state in full factional meltdown makes Mario Puzo look like a dime store hack.

hecate's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger
am for sure a sexist eugenicist. I even have a Badge.

Be right back. Gotta check the oven. Am cooking some children.

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11 users have voted.
Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@hecate

is just so cute!

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3 users have voted.

The drama of the deep state in full factional meltdown makes Mario Puzo look like a dime store hack.

hecate's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger
don't do casual. Not even business casual.

Smoking apes: also cute. : )

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9 users have voted.

@hecate is the shattering of fragile male egos nationwide.

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12 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@SancheLlewellyn

To those same fragile egos who tell women who get upset about "rape jokes"

Oh, lighten up. It's just a joke!

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12 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

hecate's picture

@zoebear
I was a kid, and we children found humor in some area my father deemed Inappropriate, he would growl: "this is serious, goddammit." We would try then not to further laugh, but it rarely worked.

Inevitably, "this is serious, goddammit," gained new life, among us young'uns, as a mocking watchword.

Yes: it is said that lightening up, that is indeed sound practice.

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12 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@hecate

And there's the rub, ain't it? Sometimes it even becomes a problem when she does have sex with him, but that's another story.

Maybe we just need to all carry a gigantic picture of Trump's head, or any of the other serial harassers (or worse), attach a stick on it so we can hold it up in front of our faces like a mask and walk around the city like that. It could be a metaphor for a modern day burka turned on its, ahem, head.

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11 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

hecate's picture

@zoebear
don't know that gigantic Hairball heads are conducive to good mental health. But I suppose it's too late to stop now: he's pretty much everywhere these days anyway. So: yeah.

trump shirt.jpg

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10 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@hecate

Instead of saltpeter?

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7 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

janis b's picture

@hecate

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12 users have voted.
Hawkfish's picture

@hecate

I cannot unsee that! And the bourbon is running low...

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8 users have voted.

We may find that we’re all alone
In the dream of the proud.
- Pink Floyd, On the Turning Away

hecate's picture

@SancheLlewellyn
shivering.

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7 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@hecate

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5 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

Amanda Matthews's picture

Girls Admit to Lying That a Male Teen Sexually Assaulted Them, Lawsuit Follows

A group of girls in a Pennsylvania high school reportedly lied when they accused a male teen of sexual assault on two occasions, according to a lawsuit that dubbed the female students “mean girls.”

As a result of their claims, the male teen, identified in the lawsuit as T.F., was fired from his job, charged with crimes, harassed and bullied at school, and expelled from school. He now suffers mental health problems.

All criminal charges were later dropped against T.F. when three girls admitted they had lied about him.
*
The girls have not suffered any consequences for their alleged false accusations, and neither the police, nor the school district, have taken any action against them, according to the lawsuit.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theepochtimes.com/girls-admit-to-lying-...

New York woman, 20, who lied about rapes, appears to roll her eyes in court as she's jailed for a year

A woman who lied about being raped by two men during a college party appeared to roll her eyes in court as one of the victims talked about how the allegations affected his life.

Nikki Yovino, 20, of South Setauket, New York, was sentenced Thursday in Bridgeport Superior Court to three years in prison, with the sentence suspended after she serves one year. Yovino pleaded guilty in June to misdemeanor charges of falsely reporting an incident and interfering with police.

Yovino was attending Sacred Heart University, in Fairfield, Conn., when she reported being raped by two school football players in the bathroom at an off-campus party in Bridgeport in October 2016.

*

Yovino subsequently admitted making up the claims so she wouldn’t lose a potential boyfriend.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/new-york-woman-20-who-lied-about-rapes-appear...

Duke lacrosse case

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_lacrosse_case

Rolling Stone to Pay $1.65 Million to Fraternity Over Discredited Rape Story

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/13/business/media/rape-uva-rolling-stone...

Body camera video refutes rape claim against Texas state trooper

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sherita-dixon-cole-rape-claim-texas-state-t...

Mourning a Son Tied to the Brawley Case

*

On Dec. 2, 1987, Harry Crist Jr., 28, was found dead in his apartment here, a hole in his head and a .357 Magnum revolver at his side.

His timing, like his final act, proved disastrous. Less than a week earlier, a 15-year-old black girl named Tawana Brawley had said she was raped by several white men, at least one of them a police officer. Because Mr. Crist had worked part time for the Police Department in nearby Fishkill, some people ventured that his death should be examined, and the investigators duly examined it.

Before long, Ms. Brawley's advisers were identifying him as one of her attackers, with one adviser even suggesting that Mr. Crist had not committed suicide, as the police determined, but had been murdered in the service of a cover-up. When Steven A. Pagones, then a Dutchess County prosecutor, offered an alibi for Mr. Crist, he too was ensnared in the advisers' web of accusations.

https://www.nytimes.com/1998/04/05/nyregion/mourning-a-son-tied-to-the-b...

Deputies: Central Florida woman lied about being raped
*
Riker admitted making up the story because she said she was mad at the man she had been with, a sheriff's report states. She eventually told deputies that she had been communicating with the man on Facebook for two days, although it's not known whether that's true.

Deputies found two other rape reports she made in Orange County that they say were false. She also may have reported being raped in Osceola County a few months ago, a deputy said in the current report.

https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime--law/deputies-central-florida-w...

Deputies: Woman lied about rape because date didn't drive her home
*
According to the Wayne County Sheriff's Office, 27-year-old Jessica Gallagher first told investigators she had been picked up by an unknown man she met on a dating app. Deputies say Gallagher claimed she had been blindfolded, taken to a home and then raped.

But after further investigation, deputies say the woman admitted to lying about the rape. They say she told deputies she had made the false report because she was angry the man refused to give her a ride home.

https://www.wric.com/news/weird-news/deputies-woman-lied-about-rape-beca...

I could do this all day.

I have a son who was arrested for asault when the girl who he was talking about marrying scratched him up and then scratched her own neck and said he assauted her because he confronted her about sneaking around with an ex. They got into an argument (for lack of a better word). She decided to get back at him. I know what happened because I was there for the last half of it. Since I’m his mother the cops wouldn’t take my word for anything, they told me a judge would have to sort it out. He did. My son did get fined for disturbing the peace, she got domestic assault and disturbing the peace. So I’m pretty damn tired of this “always believe a woman” nonsense because there’s plenty of them out there that are as bad as worse. Not the majority, but plenty enough.

The #metoo movement is alienating huge numbers of women with this ‘believe the accusers only’ line. Mothers of sons, grandmothers, sisters. Yes, women do get raped. Yes, most cases of rape or assault that are reported ARE true. I have posted here about my own mother’s attempted rape and the rape of 2 old women in their 80s, Dorothy and Lorna, who were both raped and beaten and left for dead. Lorna in the liquor/food mart she owned, Dorothy working in the bar that my youngest brother and sister’s father owned. Where she had worked for decades. I KNOW from their experience all about women and rape. But I also know women lie. This blanket indictment against men and boys is wrong. I think all the time about my son and what if Felicia got away with her lies. Or what if she said he raped her and was believed because “believe the accuser”. That really pisses me off.

I went to a private boarding Catholic girls high school. I always laugh because I met some of the wildest females I’ve ever known in that place. That’s why they were there. Their foolish parents thought that would either change them or keep them out of trouble. Well it didn’t.

One final thing. I was somewhere and people were talking and this one guy (not a friend just someone who was there) said he never wants to work with women now. I bring that up not because I think he has a lot to worry about, but because of the feelings of animosity this is causing between men and women. And women and other women. It serves no ones cause if both sides mistrust each other. And it REALLY doesn’t do women’s bit of good with this blanket indictment against all men and boys.

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12 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

hecate's picture

@Amanda Matthews @Amanda Matthews
"blanket indictment against all men and boys."

Right.

This is serious, goddammit.

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8 users have voted.
Amanda Matthews's picture

@hecate
I’m sure as fuck not joking around.

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4 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

hecate's picture

@Amanda Matthews
probably this post is not for you then. I'm sure there are others, that would benefit from your presence.

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Amanda Matthews's picture

@hecate
OP anyway.

Fighting and finger-pointing only ensures that it takes a lot longer come to get to the point where you can actually accomplish something. Even in a war, no side really ‘wins’ a damn thing until the fighting is over.

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5 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

thanatokephaloides's picture

@Amanda Matthews

Even in a war, no side really ‘wins’ a damn thing until the fighting is over.

And usually, not even then!

"I can see by your coat, my friend, that you're from the Other Side
There's just one thing I've got to know; can you tell me please
Who won?"

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2 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

Amanda Matthews's picture

@thanatokephaloides
Some more, some less.

We are a people who are still fighting the damn Civil War. Just not on a battlefield.

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3 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

thanatokephaloides's picture

@Amanda Matthews

We are a people who are still fighting the damn Civil War. Just not on a battlefield.

This uncivil war's battlefield is Everywhere; which is why it can bring the "Wooden Ships" scenario upon us -- no nukes required!

Bad

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1 user has voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

hecate's picture

@Amanda Matthews
maybe you will like this. It is Totally Serious. Plus, it is Mean to Hillary!

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4 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@Amanda Matthews

"It's a really scary time for men right now..."

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7 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

Amanda Matthews's picture

@zoebear
Didn’t it?

Toodles.

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3 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

zoebear's picture

@Amanda Matthews

I'm addled brained that way.

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7 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

thanatokephaloides's picture

@Amanda Matthews

One final thing. I was somewhere and people were talking and this one guy (not a friend just someone who was there) said he never wants to work with women now. I bring that up not because I think he has a lot to worry about, but because of the feelings of animosity this is causing between men and women. And women and other women. It serves no ones cause if both sides mistrust each other. And it REALLY doesn’t do women’s bit of good with this blanket indictment against all men and boys.

This.

Nuclear war isn't the only kind of conflict that can bring the "Wooden Ships" scenario upon us.

Sad

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3 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

@Amanda Matthews It's "believe survivors."
As in the case of Christine Blasey Ford. And probably Kavanaugh's other accusers, whom we didn't get to here because the Senate judiciary committee, namely the eleven senators from the Fascist party, didn't let them speak. Because they really, really wanted an accused (and visibly unhinged) rapist on the high court.

Then again, their messiah Trump is accused of raping a thirteen year old girl.

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5 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@SancheLlewellyn

Then again, their messiah Trump is accused of raping a thirteen year old girl.

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2 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

hecate's picture

@zoebear
the claim.

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2 users have voted.
zoebear's picture

@hecate

Bill Clinton and Donald Trump. What a trio.

Unfortunately, in my mind, it does not stretch the incredulity meter to believe these questionable examples of humanity could be guilty of the numerous "alleged" crimes against women and girls.

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5 users have voted.

Soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Soldier: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Soldier: You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

@hecate Trump likes them even younger than his buddy Roy Moore. Not that he will let age stop him. No wonder he loves his "Bart O'Kavanaugh" so much.

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2 users have voted.
Amanda Matthews's picture

@SancheLlewellyn

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0 users have voted.

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

wendy davis's picture

@Amanda Matthews

amiga. i remember when the NYT and wapo began bring the mccarthyite (guilty and fired by anonymous charges) #metoo's, there were other hashtags afoot, and i'd thought there were some that indicate close to #hetoo, women in power dominating male employees as not libido, but..power, which of course what rape is too often about, although maybe not date rape. afaik, i turned out to have been wrong in my assumption. but of course, rape culture is serious bidness, even if misunderstood

but just think: not long ago, women who charged men with rape, were put on trial in court themselves, so nice that it's changed a bit. they also feared being named, as so many in their communities and families thought they'd 'asked for it' by their behavior.

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3 users have voted.
edg's picture

Thanks for baking this one.

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5 users have voted.
hecate's picture

@edg
fights are stupid and boring. Why Kubrick tossed the pie outta Strangelove.

pie.jpg

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4 users have voted.