This message is being sent you c99ers and Swampers at the urging of the Dean of Medicine at Alligator University. The dean says he will revoke my alligatorness (which would be probably almost as painful as listening to Hillary reading her latest tell-all on an AudioBook) if I did not return to the practice of medicine.
Mandatory display of AU logo here:
So after much contemplation (about as much as a blow to the head from a heavy plank can provoke), I was pushed on to this effort by circumstances thrust upon me by our wonderful healthcare system (SNARK!!!) Two very unfortunate members of society have wandered into my care in the past couple of months. Both are nice, well-meaning, nice people. Well, if you are a RepublicRAT, Nice people don't get sick--they just roll over and die (with thanks to J. Beauregard Sessions and Tom not-right-at-any Price).
Although I could regale you (or, is it re-gail?) you the the myriad of technicalities involving their misfortunes, I shall instead discuss how come it is that they wound up in an Alligator Swamp looking for medical care?
Well, if you really look at it, Alligator Swamps are not really the best places in which to practice medicine. No, the Experts At Managing Health Care (EAMHC, department of health and human woe) are much better at telling the poor serfs hence to obtain (or not) their medical care.
Pictured here is the Site for Healthcare Improvisation and Termination (acronym not supplied):
Victim number 1: note, she is not my patient--yet. Her problem is that she has an autoimmune disorder, the name of which most generalists can't even pronounce. She was placed on an old, non-specific remedy which a) did not help; b) poses significant risk of blindness. (Take it anyway /s)
[Note, the snark abbreviation was added for those of you who thought this was going to be serious--it is].
So what does this woman do, with two small kids and no way to afford even temporary child care do--when receiving Medicaid? She goes to the so-called Community Health Centers (CHC) present throughout California. No, these are not state-run operations. No. No. No. They are patient mills grinding the state by charging for unneeded office visits, injections, blood tests and imaging which the victim did not need--and sometimes carries risk. But should the erstwhile patient ever really need medical care at a CHC, they get, at best, the doctor of the day (but never the same one twice) or a "nurse practitioner". And since CHC is a money-making operation, thinly disguised as a HealthCare Provider, referrals to expensive consultants ist verboten.
Therefore, the clinic will keep on prescribing the old moonshine formulation. Later on, they will get tired of this; at which point CHC will decide "it's all in your head" but not give her a psychiatric referral.
What is a poor gator to do? Wait, there's more!
Victim 2: a previously gainfully-employed, decent individual had the misfortune to be struck by a hit- and-run driver. The victim whose dentition had forceful impact with the pavement (many of which remain there to this day, preserved in asphalt). Also, to use technical terms here, he had brain bleeding and bruising (known as B&B in the neurosurgical trade). Yet, after not retuning fully to the present (he was again living in 2013--a relatively good year for him), he was summarily shown the front door--lest he hesitate, courteous hospital staff then pushed him outside through that door.
So, still trying to remember how to tie his shoes, he ditched them in favor of flip-flops. Now if he is given a three-step instruction, half the the time he gets it 2/3rds correct. The other half of the time? Say again?
So, medical care. What to do when you ain't got money? GSAD (get sick and die ~ J. B. Sessions/P. Ryan). Fortunately victim 2 has an excellent support system, guiding him through this mess. And that is the reason, somehow, that he will be coming to the Alligator Clinic.
Now if you don't mind paying no money for your medical care and if you have neurologic, pseudo-neurologic or pain problem, just remember Alligator Clinic--we ain't in it for the money (but a few dog legs would be nice).
Picture of our business director, Eldridge Alligator (distant cousin; we gators is strong into Nepotism).
Shameless solicitation for clients:
1. Services absolutely free (although we are thinking of doubling the price once this thing gets going)
2. No Bullshit
3. All discussion and explanations will be administered in English.
4. Hours (Pacific time) M - F, whenever I wake up.
Hat tip to she knows who.